My life as I know it

I have never prayed for someone to die before but today that is exactly what I am doing. I am praying for my grandma to die. It will make me terribly sad when she does, but  I am praying that God will take her from this life to the next. That her mind would again be sharp and in tact. That she would be reunited with those she loved and has been separated from.   I visited her today and sobbed alone in my car after. I wish I could say I was strong enough to hold back my tears until I got to my car, but I wasnt.  I cried right in front of her while she stared back at me. I asked her if she knew why I was crying. She didn't answer. She actually didn't talk at all during my entire two-hour visit.  Even though she didn't say anything while I was crying, we were looking into each other's eyes and I felt like she understood. I felt like she knew I was sad to see her life come to this. And I felt like she was sad too. As I looked around the cafeteria, in...

Dear son, I can't stop thinking about the fact that in just a few days, your little sister, my baby, will be the exact same age you were when she was born. And the more I think about the transition we all went through two years ago, the more I realize I owe you an apology. You see, now that your sister is the same age you were when she was born, I realize I am treating her differently than I treated you at this age. For example, I stll pick her up and carry her around like a baby. I am calm and patient with her when she doesn't listen or when she throws a tantrum, reminding myself that she is "only two" after all. I did the same for you. Until the day she was born. And then something changed. It wasn't meditated or intentional but I instantly started treating you differently. When I went into the hospital to have your little sister, you were still a little baby in my mind, only two years old. But when I came home from the hospital with your little sister...