Pat: Graham, why are you fighting this? A lot of people would pay money to have someone wipe their butt.
Me: Yes, it was 6 a.m. and he wasn't crying.
Pat: Well, after I checked the monitor I heard it again and then I figured out what I was hearing.
Pat: My nose was stuffed up and making noises when I was breathing.
(on a road trip to Findlay, Pat was driving)
Pat: If you really love me you'll give me that cup so I can pee in it.
Pat: Is there anything in this car I can pee in?
Me: Are you joking?
Pat: No I'm not joking. I really have to pee. I'm about to pull down one of these country roads and go.
Me: No way. Then you'll get ticks.
(Pat pulls off onto a side road and starts getting out of the car)
Me: You can get a ticket for this. Then you will be a sex offender.
(Pat pretends to check the pressure on his tire and pees and then returns to the car)
Pat: I have a stone stuck in my knee. But that needed to happen.