I feel as though I might be entering a mid-life crisis. Hopefully I live to be older than 44, therefore not making this a mid-life crisis but rather a beginning-life crisis...but you get the idea. In case you don't know this about me, I do not handle mysteries or surprises very well. I like to have things figured out and know exactly what my future holds for me - very unrealistic, I know this. I took a personality test which told me that I "prefer traditional and familiar experiences" and I am "a generally anxious person and tend to worry about things." Thank you, captain obvious.
As many of you may know, I was stressed for quite some time about getting my application in for grad school. I spent a long time working on the essay to make sure it was the best that it could be. It was a huge relief when I had my application turned in by the second week in January. All that could be done on my part, was done. The only thing left to do, was wait to hear back. Nothing too stressful about that, right? Well of course, that would be too easy for me. I needed to do something to make things more difficult on myself, so I did.
I started questioning if communication studies was really the area I wanted to study in grad school. I started researching online about the different graduate programs out there. In the back of my mind, I've always wanted to learn more about death and dying, and the grieving process. I'm sure I don't have to explain why this is an area of interest to me. I thought it would be perfect if I could study the grieving process in grad school. Then I started coming across some programs for grief counseling. Counseling huh? Hmm... I started thinking about this. Yes, I want to be a grief counselor. I had made up my mind. Then I talked to me Dad. Having been a counselor for quite some time now, he informed me that there isn't really a market for grief counselors. Imagine that... people not wanting to talk about their experiences with death. I can't relate to that at all (insert sarcasm here). Anyway, my Dad explained to me that if counseling is something that I'm interested in, I would be better of getting a general counseling degree so that I would be well-rounded in the area and there wouldn't be much of a limit as so what I can do after I get my degree. The deadline for the grad applications to the counseling department isn't until March 1 so I still have time to get the stuff in, but I'm back to square one with the stress. I have to write a completely different essay answering completely different questions and also submit a video recording of myself answering some other questions. As I'm trying to prepare answers to these questions, I'm becoming even more confused. Would I even be a good counselor? It seems I have enough problems of my own, who am I to give advice to other people? I would really appreciate any comments/opinions you might have of why I should or shouldn't go into counseling. I'm going to submit my application either way, but I would still like to hear your thoughts and opinions on the matter. If I decide not to go to grad school either because I don't get accepted, don't get enough funding, can't afford it, or just decide it's not for me... I have no idea what I'm going to do. So as you can see, I've got a lot I need to figure out. I mean, it's just the rest of my life, no big deal right? :( Speaking of getting stuff figured out, this brings me to my next topic of business.
Everyone around me is getting engaged! As I'm sitting here not knowing what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, it seems everyone around me has everything all figured out! Aren't things supposed to start making
more sense the older you get, instead of everything becoming so much more confusing? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those people who have their lives in order and know exactly where they're going and how they're going to get there. It's just that I'm insanely jealous and maybe a little bitter...
I feel as though I might be entering a mid-life crisis. Hopefully I live to be older than 44, therefore not making this a mid-life crisis but rather a beginning-life crisis...but you get the idea. In case you don't know this about me, I do not handle mysteries or surprises very well. I like to have things figured out and know exactly what my future holds for me - very unrealistic, I know this. I took a personality test which told me that I "prefer traditional and familiar experiences" and I am "a generally anxious person and tend to worry about things." Thank you, captain obvious. 
As many of you may know, I was stressed for quite some time about getting my application in for grad school. I spent a long time working on the essay to make sure it was the best that it could be. It was a huge relief when I had my application turned in by the second week in January. All that could be done on my part, was done. The only thing left to do, was wait to hear back. Nothing too stressful about that, right? Well of course, that would be too easy for me. I needed to do something to make things more difficult on myself, so I did. 
I started questioning if communication studies was really the area I wanted to study in grad school. I started researching online about the different graduate programs out there. In the back of my mind, I've always wanted to learn more about death and dying, and the grieving process. I'm sure I don't have to explain why this is an area of interest to me. I thought it would be perfect if I could study the grieving process in grad school. Then I started coming across some programs for grief counseling. Counseling huh? Hmm... I started thinking about this. Yes, I want to be a grief counselor. I had made up my mind. Then I talked to me Dad. Having been a counselor for quite some time now, he informed me that there isn't really a market for grief counselors. Imagine that... people not wanting to talk about their experiences with death. I can't relate to that at all (insert sarcasm here). Anyway, my Dad explained to me that if counseling is something that I'm interested in, I would be better of getting a general counseling degree so that I would be well-rounded in the area and there wouldn't be much of a limit as so what I can do after I get my degree. The deadline for the grad applications to the counseling department isn't until March 1 so I still have time to get the stuff in, but I'm back to square one with the stress. I have to write a completely different essay answering completely different questions and also submit a video recording of myself answering some other questions. As I'm trying to prepare answers to these questions, I'm becoming even more confused. Would I even be a good counselor? It seems I have enough problems of my own, who am I to give advice to other people? I would really appreciate any comments/opinions you might have of why I should or shouldn't go into counseling. I'm going to submit my application either way, but I would still like to hear your thoughts and opinions on the matter. If I decide not to go to grad school either because I don't get accepted, don't get enough funding, can't afford it, or just decide it's not for me... I have no idea what I'm going to do. So as you can see, I've got a lot I need to figure out. I mean, it's just the rest of my life, no big deal right? :( Speaking of getting stuff figured out, this brings me to my next topic of business. 
Everyone around me is getting engaged! As I'm sitting here not knowing what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, it seems everyone around me has everything all figured out! Aren't things supposed to start making more sense the older you get, instead of everything becoming so much more confusing? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those people who have their lives in order and know exactly where they're going and how they're going to get there. It's just that I'm insanely jealous and maybe a little bitter...
Comments
The beauty of it, miss Emily--is that no matter what you choose to do--you are going to do it well and (surely) make a meaningful impact in peoples' lives. Whichever direction you go: just think of it as something meant-to-be.
Now...
None of these good things will happen to you if you continue to call peoples' Mothers a dyke!
I thought you were above that kind of stuff??
...captain obvious, indeed.
It doesnt matter what you choose to do in life, you are going to be very good at it because you are an unbelievably smart girl. Do not waste your life worrying, it is not worth it. I tend to agree with the above comment with this added, whatever happens is meant to be(and whatever that is you will be good at it because you a smart and dedicated person). Now stop worrying and start living!