Skip to main content

Don't worry. Be happy...

Many people who know me well know that I struggle with anxiety and worrying too much about everything. A few weeks ago I stumbled across a journal entry written in 2005 (handwritten I might add - only a few weeks before I started my blog). I read over the journal entry and was so shocked that three years later I still struggle so much with worrying and letting my anxiety get the best of me. I guess I was hoping that with time my worrying would just disappear? Wishful thinking. The following is my journal entry:

October 17, 2005
"Worrying is like being in a rocking chair. It occupies your time but doesn't get you anywhere." This quote is so very true, but yet so many people still spend much of their lives worrying. Why is this? Is it an innate characteristic that when strong feelings are involved, rationalizing is nearly impossible? Or is it all a matter of learning self-control and being able to tame that voice inside your head known as your conscious? I am truly aware that worrying is not going to get me anywhere. It's not going to change my past and it's not likely to prevent things from happening in my future. Yet, still I worry anyway. The biggest struggle for me in regards to worrying is learning to live in the "now."

Worrying and over analyzing everything really got the best of me and made me depressed. For a few years I was taking medication to treat my anxiety. It definitely helped but anyone who has taken an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication might be able to relate to the way it made me feel. I've always been a high and low type of person (aka moody!). Some days I'm really high on life and other days I'm really down in the dumps and letting my worrying get me down. Taking the medication really helped to eliminate those low days which was great. On the same token, however, it also eliminated my high days and I just couldn't get as excited and happy as I did B.M. (before medication). So I decided to ween myself off of it. I also chose to go to counseling and sort through some of the skeletons in my closet and some of the things that I've experienced in my life, possibly leading to or at least contributing to my anxiety and then depression.

So what triggered all of this? First finding that journal entry buried in an old notebook and then today receiving an email with this quote:

Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Maybe I will always struggle with worrying and anxiety. I would like to think that it will get better and someday I will have found a way to deal with my worrying in a healthy and effective way. Somehow though, as I get older and stress becomes even more prominent, I don't see that happening. Uh oh... now my pessimism is showing. That's an issue for another entry.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

First Annual Ugly Sweater Party

Ugly Sweater Party from Emily Robinson on Vimeo . Well, our First Annual Ugly Sweater Party was a huge success! We had SO much fun, as you'll see from the video. I also had so much fun making this video! I got a new flip cam for Christmas so it was fun to actually make a project with the videos! For those who attended the party, you will definitely enjoy all 14 minutes of this video (it is worth every second). I was laughing so hard while I was making it! For those who didn't attend the party, I can see how the video might get old or seem really long. Either way, if you watch it, let me know what you think!
9 comments
Read more
Week: 19 Baby size: 6 inches, the size of a mango Bump size: 35.5 inches   Weight: +10 pounds Cravings: Anything sweet I still can't pass up desserts and don't worry - I didn't pass on anything this week, as much as I should have. I ate a glazed doughnut, piece of chocolate cake (it was small...) and a piece of cheesecake. Not all in the same day, but in the same week.  Other than my poor eating habits, which is old news at this point, there were a few other big developments this week. I guess you could say I officially "popped." I received more comments (and more belly touching) this week than I have throughout the pregnancy. This is both good and bad. I kind of liked being able to "hide" my pregnancy and only talk about it when and with whom I wanted. Those days are officially behind me and my protruding belly apparently is just screaming to people, "yes, I'm pregnant. Let's talk about it." There are only two weeks ...
4 comments
Read more

Beware of Infections...

When I think of an infection, I think of something that needs a little neosporin and a band aid and then life goes on. When the doctors started talking about Mark's infection as something that is life-threatening, as you can imagine, I was shocked. He has stage IV cancer for god's sake, an infection is the least of his worries, right? Wrong. Turns out it's not uncommon for people going through this treatment to get these infections which can be fatal if it doesn't respond to antibiotics and continues to spread. So, going back to my blog about not worrying because it doesn't get you anywhere and it's a waste of time, yada yada yada - I have done very little of anything else besides worry during the past 36 hours or so. Even during the hour and a half last night watching the movie Amityville Horror I was worrying. Well, I guess I was worrying more about not peeing my pants, but you get the idea. I feel bad for the people around me when I get worried like this. I ...
6 comments
Read more