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My dog ate your map

There has been a lot of speculation lately about whether or not my dog, Grady, has grown out of his "consumption phase" in which he swallows socks, underwear and all paper products. My response to this question is a very diplomatic one in which I just state facts: To the best of my knowledge, Grady has not consumed anything other than his dog food in X months. Prior to today, X meant about eight months.

I have been really careful with my response to this question because it has been too hard to tell if his eight month "remission," if you will, was a result of the fact that he has actually outgrown this bad habit or rather if it was a result of his owners doing a better job of keeping all temptations out of sight (and therefore, out of his stomach). I wanted to believe it was because he had outgrown it, but secretly, I think I knew he hadn't.

Tonight, unfortunately, Grady proved that my suspicion was correct; he has yet to outgrow this awful habit. When given the chance, he is unable to resist the temptation of consuming paper. Pat has a friend who is in town for a conference tomorrow and staying at our house tonight. When he arrived, we were reviewing his map and directions to get him to the conference tomorrow. A few minutes later, he and Pat left for dinner (I wasn't invited since it was "just the guys" - more on that in another post).

As I was sitting at the kitchen table eating my dinner of leftovers, by myself (and obviously not bitter about it), when I heard some paper ripping. I ran into the living room to find Grady destroying the directions for the conference tomorrow. As you can see by the image to your left, I caught him just in time to preserve most of the address (who needs a zip code anyway) and almost all of the map.

Grady knew as soon as I rounded the corner into the living room that he was in big trouble. He instantly went onto his back into his "submissive mode." I swear, I have never abused my animal but he sure acts like I do. He did, however, receive some verbal reprimands, but only an appropriate amount. After I got done telling him how bad he was, I told him to "go lay down" and he sprinted to the basement.

Based on the paper shreds I threw away, I think it's safe to say that Grady did not consume any of the paper he destroyed. But again, I'm not sure if it's because he has grown out of it or because he didn't have enough time. Maybe his MO is to rip the entire sheet to shreds and then consume it all at once. I don't really know. What I do know is that the next time someone asks me whether or not Grady has outgrown his "consumption phase," I have no choice but to either tell the truth or completely dodge the question. I'm leaning toward the latter... 

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