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Get in the kitchen and make me some: Crunchy Nacho Dogs & Homemade Crispy Fries

Epic fail. That's all there is to say. Okay, fine. I'll explain. The nacho dogs (recipe here) were a disaster from start to finish. Actually, I was doomed before I even started because as soon as I read the line, "a great recipe for kids to cook," all I could think about was screwing up a recipe that was so easy a "kid could do it." I didn't find it to be all that easy. Whether or not it should have been is another story.

The first step was as simple as opening the croissants and getting them out of the packaging. I'm not going to lie. I always get nervous when I'm opening the biscuits and croissants packaging because I know it's going to "pop open" when you least expect it. Tonight I was like Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf when he's turning the jack-in-the-box and nervously waiting for it to pop open. And just like the movie goes, when it didn't immediately pop open, I was convinced that it wasn't going to. I thought maybe since I bought the generic croissants that they open differently. Then when I was least expecting it, it burst open with an even louder pop than usual. I screamed and jumped out of my skin. I was the only one home (other than the furry witnesses) so I could have easily omitted this detail, but in the interest of full disclosure and self-deprecation, I must tell all. Opening the croissants was strike one.

Strike two happened when I couldn't figure out how to take 8 of the tiny croissant triangles and make them into 4 big triangles, as the recipe (vaguely) described. I am not exaggerating when I say that I stood there for no less than 5 minutes trying to arrange these croissants while nightmare flashbacks of Mrs. Engel's 10th grade geometry class kept popping into my head. I was going back and forth between the food on the counter and the laptop with recipe on the table, hoping that if I read it one more time it would make sense. It never really did but after I played around with the little geometric figures long enough, I finally figured it out - I think. Only Betty Crocker could say for sure or a kid, I guess.

Strike three was when I was trying to crush the Doritos to make the crumbs for the topping. This is the second recipe I've tried from Betty Crocker where you're supposed to use chips in place of bread crumbs. I have struck out both times. I chose a very poor method for crushing the chips. I put them in a plastic container and started crushing them with the end of a spatula. Not my best move. My brain was telling me to put them in a ziploc bag and crush them that way, but I was being lazy. Not only did my method not get the chips small enough to use as bread crubms, with every other whack of the end of the spatula, pieces of chips went flying everywhere. Not that I didn't enjoy eating the crumbs that flew onto the counter. Okay, who am I kidding. I was eating the Doritos whole out of the bag too. Not only were the chips not small enough to serve as bread crumbs, the container wasn't big enough to roll the croissants in the chips. I guess that was strike four?

Four strikes and I'm out. Needless to say, they weren't very good! The chips were pointless and had no flavor, adding the milk to the croissants for dipping purposes took away the flaky goodness of the croissants. No thumbs up on this recipe and no more attempts from me to use potato chips as breading.

As for the fries, an hour and a half later, they actually turned out good using this recipe. That being said, I had to use a knife far too big for my comfort zone. I'm not very good with knives, especially big ones and I fear that some day I will lose a finger). I could have done without the hot oil popping and burning on my hands and arms. And most importantly, they just took way too long (much longer than the recipe indicated, I might add). Unless I get a deep fryer, I will either be baking fries or just buying them pre-made from this point on.

You win some you lose some I guess and tonight was a big loss!

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