We're all guilty of it at some point or another - not always being the best listeners. One of the areas we focused on in communication studies is the art of listening. Some people might assume that listening and hearing are the same thing, but this is incorrect.
Hearing refers to the physical act of sound entering your ears and doesn't require any action on your part whatsoever. Listening, however, refers to the act of taking the sounds that you hear and breaking them down so that you process and understand what you are hearing. Listening is something you must consciously do when you hear sounds.
Why do I bring this up, you ask? There are certain times of year when Pat and I really struggle with our communication. It usually starts in late August/early September and lasts until the end of February. No, Pat doesn't develop ear infections during the winter months, hindering his ability to "hear." I'm referring to his inability to "listen" to me during football games.
As our 6th football season is officially underway, I am well aware of this reality. And honestly, I've accepted it, for the most part. Of course my preference would be for him (and everyone else in this world) to listen to me 100% of the time, but I understand how unrealistic this is. I have developed some workarounds, however, to allow me to get Pat's attention, even during football season.
One strategy I've come up with is to limit my conversations with him to commercials only. This method has proven to be moderately effective as it has serious limitations, depending on how many football games are on at one time. The odds of all the games on various programs going to commercials at once on let's say, a Saturday or Sunday, aren't good. Therefore, you must understand that there may never be that "commercial break" that you're waiting for because as soon as one game goes to commercial, they flip to another game. If commercial break conversations are the route you choose, Monday nights are great because there is only one game on. Perhaps you can hold your Saturday/Sunday comments to Monday night?
If you don't really need to talk to your significant other during a football game but rather would just enjoy the act of engaging in a conversation with them, no matter the topic, this next strategy is for you. Talk their language. Talk about football. Better yet, talk about the football game at hand. Ask them questions, get engaged.
This is the strategy I tried tonight. I was only half paying attention to the game on TV when there was a fumble in the end zone. For whatever reason, I sincerely wanted to know which team recovered the fumble to score the touchdown. I couldn't tell which team was which based on the colors of their uniforms, a fact that I am not ashamed of at all, by the way. I asked Pat which team scored and waited for a response. I got nothing. I asked again. Still, nothing. Finally, I raised my voice. Not in a "I'm yelling at you because I'm mad" kind of voice raising, but rather a "You obviously can't hear me so I'm going to ask louder" kind of way. This is not something they necessarily promote in communication studies but something I sometimes have to resort to and it worked. Finally he listened to me but acted as if it were the first time he had heard the question.
Of course he heard me. I was sitting right next to him on the couch. He cleans his ears every day and is by no means hearing impaired. Even though I did ask this question while the game was still in play, I assumed that since I was asking a question about football and the current game he was watching, that I would most certainly get a response. I have to admit, I was quite surprised when I didn't.
This brings me to my final strategy. Don't attempt to talk to them at all while they're watching football because no strategy really works.
Hearing refers to the physical act of sound entering your ears and doesn't require any action on your part whatsoever. Listening, however, refers to the act of taking the sounds that you hear and breaking them down so that you process and understand what you are hearing. Listening is something you must consciously do when you hear sounds.
Why do I bring this up, you ask? There are certain times of year when Pat and I really struggle with our communication. It usually starts in late August/early September and lasts until the end of February. No, Pat doesn't develop ear infections during the winter months, hindering his ability to "hear." I'm referring to his inability to "listen" to me during football games.
As our 6th football season is officially underway, I am well aware of this reality. And honestly, I've accepted it, for the most part. Of course my preference would be for him (and everyone else in this world) to listen to me 100% of the time, but I understand how unrealistic this is. I have developed some workarounds, however, to allow me to get Pat's attention, even during football season.
One strategy I've come up with is to limit my conversations with him to commercials only. This method has proven to be moderately effective as it has serious limitations, depending on how many football games are on at one time. The odds of all the games on various programs going to commercials at once on let's say, a Saturday or Sunday, aren't good. Therefore, you must understand that there may never be that "commercial break" that you're waiting for because as soon as one game goes to commercial, they flip to another game. If commercial break conversations are the route you choose, Monday nights are great because there is only one game on. Perhaps you can hold your Saturday/Sunday comments to Monday night?
If you don't really need to talk to your significant other during a football game but rather would just enjoy the act of engaging in a conversation with them, no matter the topic, this next strategy is for you. Talk their language. Talk about football. Better yet, talk about the football game at hand. Ask them questions, get engaged.
This is the strategy I tried tonight. I was only half paying attention to the game on TV when there was a fumble in the end zone. For whatever reason, I sincerely wanted to know which team recovered the fumble to score the touchdown. I couldn't tell which team was which based on the colors of their uniforms, a fact that I am not ashamed of at all, by the way. I asked Pat which team scored and waited for a response. I got nothing. I asked again. Still, nothing. Finally, I raised my voice. Not in a "I'm yelling at you because I'm mad" kind of voice raising, but rather a "You obviously can't hear me so I'm going to ask louder" kind of way. This is not something they necessarily promote in communication studies but something I sometimes have to resort to and it worked. Finally he listened to me but acted as if it were the first time he had heard the question.
Of course he heard me. I was sitting right next to him on the couch. He cleans his ears every day and is by no means hearing impaired. Even though I did ask this question while the game was still in play, I assumed that since I was asking a question about football and the current game he was watching, that I would most certainly get a response. I have to admit, I was quite surprised when I didn't.
This brings me to my final strategy. Don't attempt to talk to them at all while they're watching football because no strategy really works.
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