Goodbye Christmas. Hello St. Patty's Day!

I finally took my Christmas decorations down on Sunday. February 20 seemed like as good a day as any to finally do that. Going straight from Christmas decorations to my St. Patrick's Day decor is a dead giveaway that my Christmas decorations were up much longer than they should have been.

Given all that happened in the month of January, I'm going to give myself a pass for letting it go into February. But I'm not sure what my excuse is for letting it almost go into March! I'm sure I can think of something...oh, that's right; laziness! That and lack of motivation. But the good news is, it's done.

I've been somewhat of a strange bird these days. I can and will, at any given point in time, start crying. There are some trends as to where this spontaneous crying occurs. It happens almost always right before bed, when the busy day has ended and I'm left with my thoughts and that hole that is still in my heart, missing that fourth parent. I may have said this before, but not only had I accepted the fact that I had four parents, I had embraced it and truly LOVED having four parents. I don't think that hole will ever go away but I do think at some point I will get used to it being there. Maybe?

Another place I usually cry is in the shower. Seems logical, right? You're already wet so the tears just blend right in. It's a private time, so you don't have to explain to anyone why you're crying or what caused you to start. Believe me, there's usually no rhyme or reason as to why the tears start - every time I think about Mark and what the future will be like without him, I cry. Still. Is that normal? Who am I kidding, I've never been normal anyway. Why start now?

And finally, the most random place I've been bursting into unexpected tears is at restaurants. Usually alone with Pat. The most recent have been on Valentine's Day (nothing says, "I love you husband" like a good old cry during a romantic dinner, right?) and this last Saturday. I wish I knew why it was happening in public places like this so that I could make it stop, but I'm not even sure what triggers it.

My mind has always been a snowball of thoughts so something as simple as a good song on the radio could lead me to Mark. "What is this song? It's a good song. Mark liked music. Mark. Mark is gone. I miss Mark." There's your glimpse into that scary place we call my brain. Yikes. You don't want to stay there for very long!

So if you think randomly crying in public restaurants is awkward for me, think about what it's like for Pat. He's alone with a woman at dinner and she starts to cry. On Valentine's Day. People probably think he's breaking up with me, his mistress, or divorcing me, his wife. And then the more I think about how much I shouldn't be crying, the harder it is to stop. It's weird. I know. But I am weird. You knew that, right?

Don't worry, I'm not quite as depressed as I sound. I still laugh, at myself, and try to make other people laugh. And my laughter takes place more often than my crying which is a good thing. And I'm still trying new recipes. I am behind on sharing these new recipe experiences with you, so stay tuned to find out how the Creamy Potato Lasagna and Sweet and Sour Chicken turned out.