I did have someone try to challenge my height once. It happened in college. They, too, claimed to be 5' 3" and were convinced that I was shorter than them. They couldn't present any solid proof or documentation that I was in fact shorter than them so I dismissed their claim and continued boasting a height of 5' 3", but the wave of doubt they cast on me and my 5' 3" height was always in the back of my head...
When I went to the doctor recently for my yearly physical, the nurse took my height, as they always do. They don't normally say the height out loud and just silently write it in the chart. I was always so confident in the answer (let's be honest, I knew I was getting any taller) that I never asked. Out of curiosity, though, this year I decided to ask what the measurements showed as my exact height. The nurse answered, very confidently, that I am exactly 62 inches tall. I didn't have to say out loud that 62 inches doesn't really do much for me as far as height is concerned. I don't do math and I certainly don't do conversions in my head (don't judge me, I was a communication major). My face must have said it all (or maybe it was the blonde hair) because she quickly converted the number for me to say that I am five feet and two inches tall. WHAT? Only two inches?!?! That person in college was RIGHT? I felt defeated.
Again, the nurse must have read me like a book and saw the disappointment in my face because she quickly asked, "Did you think you were taller?"
"Yes, yes I did." I told her. "I have been telling people for as long as I can remember that I am five three." She looked at me like, "who cares? You're short either way!" And it's true. Sad, but true. But for some reason, five three sounds sooo much taller.
You, too, might be thinking, "Why do you care? This is not a big deal." And it may not be to you. But let me tell you what very serious and important implications this new discovery has on my life:
Discovery #1: I have been lying on important documents like my license, passport and other various paperwork. Isn't that committing fraud??? If I'm being honest, I guess I can't really play the moral card here because I have also knowingly lied about my weight on my license, passport and other various paperwork since the day I started weighing more than, oh, 115 pounds (which was a loooooooong time ago).
Discovery #2: Rather than being able to claim that I am only 11 inches shorter than my husband, I now have to say that I am an entire FOOT shorter than him. That sure sounds like a lot, doesn't it? All I can think of is Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. They are divorced now. I bet it had to do with their difference in height (and nothing to do with the fact that he's a cheater face).
Discovery #3: Perhaps the most important and devastating implication of my new 5' 3" height is the fact that the measly amount of 1,385 calories I'm supposed to consume in a day should actually be even less because I'm an inch shorter!!!
Let me remind you that eating only 1,385 calories a day is VERY difficult for me and rarely happens. I'm drinking watered down Gatorade right now because I can't afford the 200 calories in a full 32 oz. bottle of Gatorade so I mixed it with water.
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can continue on with my day. But just for the record, if anyone asks, I am still 5' 3" as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I will end up purchasing one of those bumpits after all...
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