This has always been one of my favorite lyrics from the song, "She will be loved" by Maroon 5. Anyway, I thought it was fitting to describe the highs and lows I often experience in life and happen to be coming out of one of the lows right now. It's funny how as you grow up, you learn things about yourself and really get to know yourself on an intimate level. I would say at age 27, I'm still in the early stages of "getting to know myself" but I have definitely come a long way. It's not just about getting to know yourself, though. I think it's about getting to know yourself and getting to know this big world we live in, in order to be able to put yourself, your problems and your world into perspective. Nothing about me is larger than life so how could my problems possibly be?
Many years ago, my lows were much more frequent than my highs and the lows were really low. So much so that I took medication to keep myself on an even keel. Before the medication, I wasn't able to see further than the current problem or the current day. I didn't have a grip on the big picture. Only the here and now. During college, after a few years of counseling, I took myself off of the medication. After that point, when I would feel myself falling into a "rut," if you will, I would instantly start to panic. I would feel like there was something wrong with me if I wasn't happy and optimistic 100% of the time. I would think I wasn't normal and wonder if I needed to get back on medication.
As I'm getting older, I've come to realize that whether or not it's normal for other people, the highs and lows are a part of my life. It's a part of who I am. My emotions come in waves of highs and lows but the highs now far out number the lows. And it's these same emotions that cause the lows, that also allow me to get really happy and really excited most of the time. So instead of resenting the lows, I let them come and I let them go, and appreciate them for making the emotional, sensitive person that I am. I'm not a "middle of the road" type of person. I'm not comfortable living life with just a mediocre attitude. I want to feel strongly and passionately about things! The lesson I need to learn is, what is worth feeling strongly and passionately about and what is not, hence the aforementioned aspect of learning to keep my life in perspective with the big picture.
With everything that has been going on with Mark, coupled with some professional frustrations of worrying whether people at my new job think I'm actually doing a good job, I found myself in a "rut." But I didn't panic about it. I didn't feel like I'm abnormal for experiencing it. Instead I just rode it out, knowing it would pass. I didn't feel like talking to people on the phone as I often do and wanted to keep to myself. So I did. And just as I suspected, it passed.
The challenge I am faced with is learning how to keep myself from getting to this low place for reasons that don't warrant my time or energy. I think the Mark situation is completely natural and would make anyone get down in the dumps. However, I can't let people professionally deflate my balloon. And that's exactly how I feel sometimes. That people can just walk by me with a needle, pop my balloon and suck all of the positive, optimistic energy out of me. That's not okay. I just heard this quote yesterday:
I thought this was a perfect quote for me and something I should think long and hard about. People can and will continue to think whatever they want about me. Sometimes it will be true and many times it won't be. But why should I give anyone the power to deflate my balloon?
I definitely think this is something that will continue to improve as I grow and mature and become more confident in the person that I KNOW I am, versus the person that other people think I am. Once I'm at peace with myself and the person that I am, I hope I won't be so easily swayed by what others think of me.
I can assure you of one thing. If I'm anything like my parents, by age 50 I won't care less what anyone thinks of me! Here's hoping it doesn't actually take me 23 years to get to that point!
Many years ago, my lows were much more frequent than my highs and the lows were really low. So much so that I took medication to keep myself on an even keel. Before the medication, I wasn't able to see further than the current problem or the current day. I didn't have a grip on the big picture. Only the here and now. During college, after a few years of counseling, I took myself off of the medication. After that point, when I would feel myself falling into a "rut," if you will, I would instantly start to panic. I would feel like there was something wrong with me if I wasn't happy and optimistic 100% of the time. I would think I wasn't normal and wonder if I needed to get back on medication.
As I'm getting older, I've come to realize that whether or not it's normal for other people, the highs and lows are a part of my life. It's a part of who I am. My emotions come in waves of highs and lows but the highs now far out number the lows. And it's these same emotions that cause the lows, that also allow me to get really happy and really excited most of the time. So instead of resenting the lows, I let them come and I let them go, and appreciate them for making the emotional, sensitive person that I am. I'm not a "middle of the road" type of person. I'm not comfortable living life with just a mediocre attitude. I want to feel strongly and passionately about things! The lesson I need to learn is, what is worth feeling strongly and passionately about and what is not, hence the aforementioned aspect of learning to keep my life in perspective with the big picture.
With everything that has been going on with Mark, coupled with some professional frustrations of worrying whether people at my new job think I'm actually doing a good job, I found myself in a "rut." But I didn't panic about it. I didn't feel like I'm abnormal for experiencing it. Instead I just rode it out, knowing it would pass. I didn't feel like talking to people on the phone as I often do and wanted to keep to myself. So I did. And just as I suspected, it passed.
The challenge I am faced with is learning how to keep myself from getting to this low place for reasons that don't warrant my time or energy. I think the Mark situation is completely natural and would make anyone get down in the dumps. However, I can't let people professionally deflate my balloon. And that's exactly how I feel sometimes. That people can just walk by me with a needle, pop my balloon and suck all of the positive, optimistic energy out of me. That's not okay. I just heard this quote yesterday:
"You do not have to attend every argument you're invited to."
I thought this was a perfect quote for me and something I should think long and hard about. People can and will continue to think whatever they want about me. Sometimes it will be true and many times it won't be. But why should I give anyone the power to deflate my balloon?
I definitely think this is something that will continue to improve as I grow and mature and become more confident in the person that I KNOW I am, versus the person that other people think I am. Once I'm at peace with myself and the person that I am, I hope I won't be so easily swayed by what others think of me.
I can assure you of one thing. If I'm anything like my parents, by age 50 I won't care less what anyone thinks of me! Here's hoping it doesn't actually take me 23 years to get to that point!
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