Sunday, October 30, 2005

Out With the Old, In With the New

I know it's probably best to just let this go and not rehash the past, but there are a few things I need to say before I can move on. Originally I wanted to make this entry a heartfelt goodbye. Even though the end of our relationship has been unpleasant, to say the least, I wanted to look back on our relationship and focus on the good things. Then it hit me: there were no good times. Only what I thought were good times because I had nothing else to compare you to. You filled a void until something better came along, and I thank you for that. I guess having you was better than having nothing at all, but I knew you weren't "the one." I was always shopping - looking for something better, knowing that when I found it I would kick you to the curb faster than you can say virus. Speaking of viruses, after all of those times you came home with your different viruses, I never questioned where you had been or what you had been doing. I figured it was normal and that everyone was getting them. Well I was wrong, everyone is not getting them so you can take your viruses and hit the road. My mom warned me about you from the very beginning. I didn't listen. It was something I had to realize on my own. I thought you were a good match for me, but my mom knew you weren't. I thought you could help me accomplish my goals, but instead you made them harder for me to reach, just like my mom said you would. We lasted longer than she ever thought we would. I'm proud of myself for sticking it out, but you didn't make it easy. Every time I would give you another chance, you did something to screw up, again. But still, I didn't want to let you go. I didn't want to move on. I was stuck in the "comfort zone" of something old and familiar, even with all its quirks, it seemed better than nothing. I'm not sure when exactly "I saw the light" but it wasn't until I found someone else that I realized how much happier I could be. It's not going to be a perfect relationship. I know there will be hard times and obstacles to overcome, but nothing compared to what I've been through with you. Maybe there is someone out there who will love you just the way you are, and you will be enough to keep them happy. Unfortunately you weren't enough for me. I needed more. I needed something more stable, dependable, and more efficient. Something I knew I could always count on to be there. And that is what I found.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Rainy Days and Mondays...

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down..." As my roommate Lisa pointed out, today was a rainy day and a Monday, making it a double negative. She went on and made her little saying into a riddle/song, but I will spare you the details. You're welcome. A rainy day in Bowling Green isn't just your average rainy day. You can almost always expect it to be freezing cold and very windy. My favorite part of walking to class in the rain is watching people try to keep their umbrellas from getting caught in the mighty wind and flipping inside out. I'm not being mean or getting enjoyment out of other people's misery (well, maybe a little) because it has happened to me too, on more than one occasion. I have had many umbrellas destroyed thanks to the winds of Bowling Green. But let's be honest here. There are some good things that can come from having your umbrella ruined. The large selection of umbrellas on the market today are indescribable. It's like Halloween everytime it rains. And believe me, mother nature will think twice before she messes with an umbrella that has a stinger, or eyes. But like most things that are good in this life, they come with risks. Owning an umbrella like one of these, you run the risk of it getting stolen. There are people out there who steal. They find digital cameras that they know don't belong to them and they keep them. It happened to me, and it can happen to you. I don't mean to discourage you from owning one of these umbrellas, in fact, I encourage that you get one. But an alarm of some sort, or even a chain lock wouldn't be a bad idea. As if the umbrellas aren't enough, believe it or not, it gets even better. Yeah, that's right.. there are rain jackets too! All with the same themes as the umbrellas. Do you feel like being a lady bug today, or perhaps a bumble bee? Or maybe you can't decide. That's okay too. Why not mix and match? Get crazy! It's raining outside and no one cares! Be a cross-polination of a bumble bee and a lady bug. [insert creative name mixing bumble bee and lady bug here] Okay, before I go any further, I need to give everyone a moment for a restroom break. Because it's about to a get even more intense and I don't want anyone to wet their pants (even though it's raining outside and no one would care). Who hates walking in the rain and getting your jeans wet up to your knees? I know I do! Well those days are over my friend. They don't call them "kidorable rainboots" for nothing. I know I don't need to explain why these boots are a must-have item, but there are a few things I feel necessary to point out. First, there are no shoe laces. How nice is that? Slip them on and off as you please, get that extra minute of sleep you normally wouldn't get because you would be tying your shoes. Your day will be better because of it. And if you ever have to walk to class with Kari Fidler, right before her anxiety kicks in at the thought of not getting to class at least 10 minutes early, if she sees you grab these boots, you will hear her sigh with relief knowing that she doesn't have to wait that extra minute for you to tie your shoes. And maybe, just maybe you can get to class 11 minutes early instead of 10. Now Kari wouldn't need these boots for that reason, because she probably woke up at 4:30am to put her shoes on so that she's not late for class. However, there is something about these boots that even Kari would find appealing. Can you say totally waterproof? Something tells me that Kari still can't wear her tennis shoes because they are soaking wet from Cedar Point on Friday [insert angry face to show frustration about being sick on Friday and not being able to go to Cedar Point] Perhaps if Kari would have been wearing these boots on Friday, she would have dry tennis shoes right now. Okay, I know there was a line when this whole theme might have been funny, and maybe I never reached it, but now I am about to dig it into the ground. But it would be completely unfair of me if I didn't tell you about one more product. I'm sorry Emily Tucker but the old excuse, "I don't have my homework because it got ruined in the rain," that you use so often, just isn't going to work anymore. Especially now that we have waterproof bookbags like these. And if you are someone who thinks practically like me, when you see those little dangling purses hanging off the bookbag, you probably see the perfect item to carry your ID and money to the bars in. Two bags for the price of one? Bargain! I promised my friend Tess that I would mention how much she hates walking to class in the rain only to find a note on the door saying that class has been canceled. But Tess, let's be honest, only on rainy days can you whip out your little critter gear. And even though it was a waste of your time walking in the rain to a canceled class, your outfit did not go unnoticed. You make the most beautiful frog I have ever seen, and I'm sure everyone who saw you walking to class in that outfit would agree with me. I couldn't help but notice that you were missing the bookbag, maybe you didn't realize they had that line of products out. Lucky for you, Christmas is coming up! Although I can't afford to buy you one, I have no problem stealing from small children. I'll see what I can do. How do you think I got you the rest of the outfit? Ohhh... you really thought I bought it? Did you think it was a coincidence that the same day your little cousin Johnny's frog critter rainsuit came up missing, I gave you a belated birthday gift of the exact same thing? Okay Tess, we'll have to talk about this later, I'm busy right now. Sorry about that. Anyway, I can't finish this blog without being a little serious. "Everyone wants happiness, yet no one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain." Who cares if the rain ruins your plans and you have to wear your hair curly. Suck it up, put on the critter of your choice rain gear, and make the best of the day. Yeah, let's be honest, enough with the optimistic crap, that's not me or how I think. Stay in bed. Skip class. Nap all day. Do absolutely nothing. Rainy days are good for nothing except napping.

Worrying is Like Being in a Rocking Chair...

"Worrying is like being in a rocking chair. It occupies your time, but doesn't get you anywhere." Yet, so many of us spend much of our lives doing it anyway. Why? We aren't all just a bunch of idiots (well, there are some exceptions...) who honestly think that if we worry about something, it won't happen. The reality is, worrying is not only a huge waste of time, but it's a waste of time that could be spent happily. We've all heard the corny saying about every minute spent frowning is 60 seconds of happiness wasted (no shit Sherlock, even I can do that math equation), but seriously... it's kind of true. In the large scheme of things, it's usually the things we least expect, the things we would never have even thought to worry about, that come out of nowhere and knock us on our ass. Let's take for example, the poor lady from the illustration who we will call Mildred. Mildred is so busy worrying about whether or not she put on deodorant, that on her way to work she has hit a tree, a construction cone, a bird, a feline of some sort, and some other unidentifiable objects. What potentially may have just been a semi-bad day of walking around work with pit stains and B.O., Mildred is now going to have a terrible day. She now has to re-plant the tree she ripped out of the ground, take the construction cone back to its original location, go to someone's home and tell them that she killed their cat, get an estimate of the damage done to her car, and she will inevitably be late to work. All of these events give Mildred even more reason to sweat profusely, get pit stains and will result in much worse B.O. than she ever would have had in the first place. The moral of "Mildred's" story is that we can't go through life worrying about putting on deodorant. There are so many people who put on deodorant and still smell bad, so it could always be worse. In all seriousness, worrying is not going to change things that have happened in the past and it's not likely going to prevent things from happening in the future. So if the outcome is going to be the same no matter what, why not enjoy each day to its fullest? Life is too short to be anything but happy! And if given the chance to talk to her, I'm sure Mildred would agree.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ode to My Camera

First I would like to apologize for the way our relationship came to a sudden end. It could have been a really traumatic experience for you. Maybe I dropped you and you broke into many pieces. Maybe I just sat you somewhere and you had to watch me walk away and never come back. Perhaps someone took you right out of my purse. The most disturbing part of this whole situation, is that I simply don't remember how I lost you. After all you've done for me by capturing my memories for the past 3 months, I should have at least had the decency to not involve you in my drunken affairs. And for that, I'm truly sorry. Hopefully your new owner, you know, the person who probably picked you up and took you home and now has hundreds of pictures of me and my family and friends, will treat you with more respect than I did. But let's be honest, someone who keeps a camera that they know is not theirs is obviously not the most respectful person in the world. Maybe, someday, somehow, we will meet again. And if given a second chance with you, I promise to do things differently. I wish you nothing but the very best for your future and I give you permission to take terrible pictures of your new owner. Do that thing that you sometimes did to me right when I really needed a picture and you say "change batteries." Do that a lot, okay? You probably won't have much of a choice since your new owner probably doesn't have the necessary battery charger that is sitting in an outlet in my room with no batteries. Thank you again for the memories. You will never be forgotten.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones..."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Did our parents really believe this when they taught us this riddle? Or was it just their hope that maybe if we, as naive children, believed it, we would avoid a lot of unnecessary hurt? Now that I'm no longer a naive child (I'm now a naive adult), words and their impact on my self-perception is something that I struggle with. Is it only people with self-esteem issues who are affected by what other people think of them? Or are even the most confident people hurt when someone thinks or says something bad about them? Or does it all depend on who the person saying negative things is and their relationship to you? Personally, it doesn't matter who the person is or what they have said about me, I still let it bother me. The key word here is let. It took me a long time, but I've finally realized that I do have control of the impact I let other people's words have on me. Unfortunately, realizing this isn't enough. Not letting other people's opinions of you upset you, is something that is much easier said than done. Take for example, if someone were to call me crazy. Even though deep down I know that I am not crazy, once I hear that someone else thinks I am, my mind starts to wander and the snowball effect begins. "Maybe I am crazy and just never realized it." "Do other people think I'm crazy?" After every possible thought has gone through my head and I am feeling really down about myself, it hits me. The only thing crazy about me is that I let other people's opinions of me upset me as much as I do. I read a quote that states, "What you think of me is none of my business." I didn't really understand it at first, but it really does help to keep things in perspective. However, when someone is telling other people negative things about you, to stick with my example, telling people you're crazy for instance, what they think of you is no one else's business either, therefore I think it's natural to be upset about someone saying bad things about you to other people. Here is where another quote comes into play for me, "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." The truly important people in my life know everything about me and love me anyway. Anyone who would hear someone calling me crazy and believe it, isn't someone that matters in my life anyway. It is so easy for me to sit here and rationalize all of this so that it makes perfect sense never to get upset when other people talk bad about you. However, I can almost guarantee that the next time someone is saying mean things about me, I will still get upset, even after all the reasons I've just given as to why I shouldn't. I think this might be something I struggle with for a long time and maybe I never will learn to not get bothered by other people's opinions of me. But never letting other people's words hurt me is a skill that if learned, could protect me from a lot unnecessary hurt.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

"Money - Like Vodka - Can Do Crazy Things" ~Unknown

Can money buy happiness? A topic that has been debated for quite some time now, is becoming more and more relevant to my everyday life. Maybe it's because I've never had as much money as I wanted, or maybe it's that I've always wanted to spend more than I've had. Regardless of how I got here, money (or in my case, lack thereof) is a dominant part of my everyday life. A recent study done by a sociologist found that financially richer people tend to be happier than those who are poorer. After so many arguments saying that money can't buy happiness, now we have studies showing that those with more money are both physically and mentally healthier (wouldn't we all be though if we could afford it?). This is very interesting to me, because I for one am someone who very much enjoys shopping, especially when I'm feeling depressed. Nothing that a cute outfit can't fix, right? I can't help but think of Fat Bastard and his predicament with eating. Do I spend money because I'm unhappy or am I unhappy because I'm spending money I don't have? Quite the little catch-22 I've gotten myself into. Maybe it's a combination of both, but either way, keeping up with the "Jones's" if you will, is getting harder and harder. I'm not really going anywhere with these thoughts... just getting them out of my head. Now they're into yours, let them stir around in there for a little bit and see what you think about the money issue. And remember, "Money - like vodka - can do crazy things."

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. ~Unknown

Isn't it amazing what good therapy dogs can be? They can tell when you're upset, but yet, they never ask you why. Instead, they just comfort you, or in Jackson's case, bring you his favorite toy hoping that it will somehow bring you as much joy as it brings him. As bad as it sounds, one of the hardest parts of leaving home is leaving this dog. He has had such an impact on all of our lives. He is filled with more personality than any dog I've ever owned (which as most of you know, is quite a few)! I think what brings me the most joy, is seeing how happy Jackson makes Mark. It's funny to think about how much Mark did not want this dog. He only agreed to keep him because he saw how attached my mom and I already were to him. Little did he know, Jackson turned out to be Mark's biggest supporter during this entire battle with cancer. I've always liked the quote I used as the title of this entry. I think we could all be better people if we tried to be the people our dog's think we are. Jackson hates nothing more than getting a bath. It terrifies him to say the least. But yet, after I've poured water on his face and he's shaking hysterically, when my hand gets near his mouth to rub the shampoo in, instead of biting me, or turning his head away, he very softly licks my hand. Imagine loving people that much, that even when they're doing something that makes you miserable, you still see the good in them. If you tried to be the person your dog thinks you are, what type of person would you be? Just something to think about... now I'm going to bed.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Through the clouds...

Finally some good news! Today Mark had his biggest appointment yet and found out that his cancer has had a 73% reduction! His doctor thinks that maybe after 3 more treatments he could go into remission. Although I broke my streak of not crying, for the first time in a very long time they were tears of joy. Only like 15% of the people receiving this treatment have any success, so this is huge. Although Mark is dreading going back in tomorrow for another treatment, at least he is going in knowing that he's not doing this for nothing, it really is saving his life. I am so thankful for this fall break that I got to spend with him. He was back to his old self again and I really enjoyed his company. This is the Mark I want to remember, and the Mark that makes my mom so happy. Although I know it's still going to be hard leaving to go back to school tomorrow, because it always is, at least now my hope has completely been restored. The fact that Mark is still here is a miracle in itself considering in March they said he may only have six months left. I wouldn't expect anything less from Mark other than for him to give the Dr.'s and their statistics a run for their money, but I also wasn't expecting to get this miracle. It's really true what they say... there are two ways you can live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle and the other is as if everything is a miracle. It's amazing how one day can completely change the way you see everything in your life, and today... through all the clouds that have been over me since March 18, 2005, I see a miracle.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Sunday, 09 October 2005

I guess for my first entry instead of trying to get all philosophical and stuff, I should start off by bringing everyone up to speed on my life. I am 22 years old and in my last year at Bowling Green. Okay, I think that about sums it all up. Moving on.... just kidding. I figured now is a good excuse to fill out one those dumb surveys that we all get emailed to us by our close friends who probably all already know the answers anyway. But seriously, what better way to answer all those questions that you, who may not be my close friends, might be wondering about me? Let's get personal....

[Name] Emily Lynn Steele
[Nickname] Em, Emmy, Emmy Booskie, Steele, Stelio... the list could probably go on.
[The day I had my first breath] July 24, 1983
[Zodiac sign] Leo
[Born in] Cincinnati, Ohio
[Where I live right now] Bowling Green, Ohio (But from Shelby and Butler, Ohio)
[Height] 5'3"
[Righty or lefty] Righty
[Eye color] Blue
[Hair color] Brown (wow, it's weird to write that)
[The pants I'm wearing] Jeans
[The shirt I'm wearing] Old Yankees sweatshirt (it was given to me... I wouldn't purchase it myself, just needed to make that known)
[The shoes] old tennis shoes
[The underwear I'm wearing] Should I be wearing some? JK... they're blue with starts and writing and stuff.
[The taste in ur mouth] absolutely nothing... soon will be my step-dad spaghetti... I can hardly wait!
[Ur mood] Mellow and very relaxed. I love being home!
[R u tired] Do you even need to ask? Always...
[Depressed] Not at the moment, give me a little bit.
[Music ur listening to] Even though it says I'm listening to Jack Johnson, my iPod went dead so that is actually a lie. I'm listening to some medical show my mom is watching about a man with intestines outside my body... I may not want that spaghetti here soon.
[Boyfriend/Girlfriend] Never again
[Children] Not to my knowledge, unless Nora did actually have her little rabbit babies!
[Ur crush] I'll never tell...
[Have u ever been in love] Yes
[Do u believe in love at first site] Hmm... not love, no. But I'm a little bitter about love right now to be answering this question. I'll get back to you.
[Sexuality] Straight
[Have ever cheated] Yes, probably in all aspects of the word
[Have you ever been hurt] Oh yes, refer to all the bitter comments about love and boyfriends.
[Ur greatest regret] Letting life get me down instead of making the best out of situations. I'm working on it...
[Song that describes u now] "All By Myself" by Celine Dion... JK! "It's Getting Better All the Time" - Brooks & Dunn
[Turn ons] Making me laugh, good smile, being open-minded, being nice to me (it doesn't take much at this point, ha ha).
[Turn offs] Racism or being prejudice in general, bad breathe, commenting about how pretty other girls are, holding back feelings, lying, you know... the usual stuff.
[Favorite place to be touched] Actually, I love back massages. And not in a sexual way, it could be the ugliest person in the world and her name could be Olga, I would still love it.

[Do u play any instruments] Oh yeah
[What r the instruments if u play any] Clarinet (until I sold it on ebay), Piano (until I quit taking lessons), but my best instrument is that of my voice. Yeah, it's that good.
[What is ur favorite song]: It changes quite often, but right now it's "Reason Why" by Rachael Yamagata.
[Ur favorite bands]: Jack Johnson, Modest Mouse, Eminem, Black Eyed Peas, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Dixie Chicks... you get the idea.
[favorite genre of music] A little bit of everything except that really loud yelling stuff where you can't understand the words and it hurts your ears... you know what I'm talking about.

[pepsi or coke] Vanilla Coke
[Eminem or Justin Timberlake] I like them both and they are both HOT...but I have to say Eminem,
[Josh Hartnett or Orlando Bloom] Josh Hartnett, hands down (but my feelings could change after I see Orlando's new movie with Kirstin Dunst)
[Maroon 5 or linkin park] Maroon 5
[Mcdonald's or Burger king] McDonald's
[thong or panties] Panties...but I really don't like that word for some reason.
[briefs or boxers] Boxers
[Jordan's or Nike] What is the difference?
[cappuccino or coffee] Cappuccino.
[Vanilla or chocolate] Depends on my mood, but probably chocolate. I've never caught myself saying "I need some vanilla."
[Rocker or rapper] What?
[cell phone or beeper] Cell phone (do people still have beepers?)
[xbox or playstation 2] Well, I'm only familiar with my playstation 1 so....
[baby phat or eco red] What?
[pen or pencil] Pen

[do u have a diary] Yes, but I prefer the term "journal"
[do u have a job] Yes, Continuing & Extended Education during the year and Northfield Medical in the summer.
[ r u a people pleaser] I always try to be, but I'm not that good at it.
[would u say u r attractive] Sure, I'll say yes. But the struggle comes with making myself believe it.
[do boyz always ask u out on dates] This has never been something I struggle with no...
[when u walk down the street do heads turn?] No, only when I drive down the street. Then they turn and say "was her gas tank open?"
[r u in the in crowd or a low life reject] Probably a little of both
[do lots of people hate u] Probably
[r u one of those snobby cheerleaders who think there the shit] Okay, that is a stereotype. I was a cheerleader, but I was not snobby and never thought I was the shit.
[when was the last time u talked on the phone] It's been a few hours
[who was the last person u talked to] Patrick
[who was the last person u hugged] I think my Dad
[when was the last time u cried] Oh geez... I could be going on a two-week streak with no tears! Pretty impressive, I know.
[do u hate anyone] Well, my dad used to always say hate is too strong of a word, but there are people I strongly dislike
[what r u doin right now] Sitting at my computer (actually my mom's computer)
[do ur parents hate u or love u] Dumbest question ever.
[does ur whole family think ur a disgracee to humanity] Who came up with these questions?
[would u say u have lots of friends] I think so.
[name ur bestfriends] The roommates
[do make friends with people quickly] Yeah
[do u have any famous people friends] Britney Spears, I mean Lisa Wentz
[do u make friends over aim or on emails] On facebook
[did u like this survey] Not so far....

1. Kissed your cousin: Well growing up in Shelby, that is a possibility. But if so, I honestly didn't know they were my cousin!
2. Ran away: Oh yeah.
3. Pictured your crush naked: There is nothing attractive about the male naked body...sorry.
4. Skipped school: Not really.
5. Broken someone's heart: I think so.
7. Cried when someone died: Always.
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yes. What an awful feeling that is.
9. Broken a bone: Maybe some of my toes, but that's it.
10. Done something embarrassing: Everyday of my life.
11. Lied: Yes, but I try not to make a habit of it.
12. Cried in school: Oh gosh yeah.

14. Sprite or 7UP: They both taste the same I think.
15. Girls or Guys: Right now, girls hands down. Again, refer to all the bitter comments about boys and love.
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: Clean Shaved for kissing, scruff for looks.
18. Blondes or Brunettes: Tough call based on my current situation.
19. Bitchy or Slutty: Neither
20. Tall or Short: Tall (but I don't want to be taller than the guy)
21. Pants or Shorts: Pants
22. Night or Day: Night
24. Last Person You Slow Danced With: Wow... it's been a while. I have no idea. Probably Jeff?
25. Worst Question To Ask: "Are you looking at me?" Agghhh!

26. Showered: Yesterday.
27. Stepped outside: A little bit ago.
28. Watched TV: Right now, I'm watching Cold Case and writing this on commercials

29. Romantic memory: Ba Humbug. Remember the negativity towards love and boys right now?
30. Your Good Luck Charm: My LiveStrong bracelet
31. Person You Hate Most: My Dad always said hate is a strong word...
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: My family and friends
33. On your desk: Well I'm on my mom's computer, but at school there is everything imaginable on my desk. TV, DVD Player, Computer, lamp...etc.
34. Picture on your desktop: A beach scene

35. Color: Blue
36. Movie: Dirty Dancing, Wedding Crashers, Old School, Napoleon Dynamite
37. Artist or band: Jack Johnson
38. Cars: It's always been the Honda Civic, but I don't want to walk out into a parking lot and see 50 cars that look just like mine, so I'm trying to move on.
39. Ice Cream: Cookies & Cream, Cookie dough, Moose Tracks
41. Food: Spaghetti (just ate it! It was delicious! Thanks Mark!).


44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: My parents
45. Has A Crush On You: It would be much easier to try and name people who don't...
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I'll never tell
47. Who Has It Easier?: If I've learned anything this last week, it's that just because people have different experiences, it gets you nowhere trying to figure out who has it better or worse.

49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: I did...but "it's getting better all the time..."
50. Save AIM Conversations: Only a few so I can remind myself of how mean certain people can be!
51. Save E-mails: Yes
52. Forward Secret E-mails: Can you do that?
53. Wish You were Someone Else: I have, but it gets you nowhere because when I wake up.. I'm still me!
55. Wear Cologne: Perfume... not cologne
56. Kiss: Yes, I enjoy it actually.
57. Cuddle: It's been a while
58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: Okay, I know I'm addicted, but even I'm not that bad! I at least take bathroom breaks!


60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: Oh yeah, to the sounds of the ocean waves..but it kind of came to a halt when I kept asking him a million questions. Damn, I blew it!
61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: Yeah, I'm terrible.
62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day: No
63. Been Rejected: Again, please refer to all the bitter comments about love and boys.
64. Been In Love?: Leave me alone!
65. Been In Lust?: Sure?
66. Used Someone?: Probably
67. Been Used?: Yes
68. Dumped Someone?: Yes.
69. Been Cheated On?: Probably.
70. Been Kissed?: I admit I'm a loser, but at 22 I'd sure hope so!
71. Done Something You Regret?: Oh yeah.


72. You Touched?: My mom, she hit me first okay.
73. You Talked To?: My Mom and Mark
74. You Hugged?: Okay, I know this question was already asked. I think it was my Dad.
75. You Instant Messaged?: Just talked to Erin (my love biscuit)
76. You Kissed?: I'll never tell!
77. You Yelled At?: Probably my sister, that's always a good guess
79. Who Text Messaged You?: Patrick
80. Who Broke Your Heart?: Enough is enough with these questions...
81. Who Told You They Loved You?: My mommy

Okay, sorry about the survey. So it turned out to be not only a complete waste of time, but also the dumbest questions ever.

My step-dad Mark has a big Dr.'s appointment tomorrow (the biggest one yet actually). The Dr. will tell him tomorrow whether or not they will continue giving him treatments. Needless to say, we're all a little nervous tonight. Even though Mark has a good feeling about it, I would be an idiot not to acknowledge that anything could happen tomorrow. For the first time in as long as I can remember, this evening with Mark has been just the same as it was before the cancer came into our lives and changed everything. I feel like even if only for tonight, he is back to the person we know and love. My mom seems so much happier too and I couldn't be happier about that. Unfortunately, I know that the outcome of tomorrow's appointment could have a very negative impact on all of our spirits. Let's keep our fingers crossed!