Friday, December 23, 2005

Gambling on Sports....

The 2005-2006 College Football Bowl Contest (Pat vs. Emily) has begun. Although we aren't gambling for money, there is something equally as valuable on the line - my pride. Going into this bet, I was aware of my lack of knowledge on any college football team other than Ohio State and BG but yet I still accepted the challenge. Was Pat asking me to participate in this contest to take advantage of my lack of expertise? This isn't the first time I've been asked by a male to get involved in some sort of gambling on college sports (i.e. March madness). I got to thinking about it and I'm wondering if this is some sort of ploy guys use to try and get girls involved in sports. Talk about killing 2 birds with 1 stone (disclaimer - I would never intentionally kill a bird at all, especially with a stone). If a guy gets his girl of interest involved in the sports he would like to be watching, he can hang out with her and watch the games at the same time. Every guys dream huh? I would like to think that there is more to me than that and I would not so easily fall for such a strategy. However, I must admit... I have become obsessed with this bowl contest. Let me add, I am not off to a winning start. My first mistake was picking UTEP to beat Toledo. Sorry, but I saw Toledo play in the BG game and I was not impressed. Sure, they beat us.. but let's be honest - does that really give them bragging rights? Someone told me I should always choose Ohio teams to win (a male someone)... is this true? Is this some type of strategy I wasn't aware of? Well sorry, I couldn't do it. Pat was obviously aware of this strategy and picked Toledo to win the game...putting him at a one win lead over me. So I'm sure you're wondering... what are the stakes of this bet, other than my pride. I will tell you. If I win, Pat will be spending a wonderful evening filled with scrapbooking, cardmaking, etc. He might not being scrapbooking himself, but his input in the scrapbooking I am doing will be required. It gets better. The fun doesn't stop there.
Along with scrapbooking,
Pat and I will also be watching an entire season of Sex and the City (the season of my choice). If you ask me, that sounds like a terrific night. Especially since Pat isn't familiar with scrapbooking or Sex and the City. I will be honored to be the first to introduce him to both. But I won't get cocky, I don't want to jinx my chances of winning. If by chance I shouldn't win this bet, let me tell you what Pat will be winning. First I have to cook him a meal, including chocolate chip cookies for dessert. He argues that I have to cook this meal at his house, but as I will explain further, this could be quite disgusting based on the cleanliness of his house. Therefore, I will argue to cook at my apartment and then bring the food over to his house, where there isn't even a nice place to sit down and eat it.. how much sense does that make? Oh well, it's his bet. After cooking his meal (and then washing the dishes) I must then stay the night at his house in his room on his fouton. You might be thinking, what's the big deal? Let me add that Pat's room is the size of a closet that leads into the community bathroom (which is even more disgusting). Therefore, whenever anyone needs to use the bathroom, they must walk through Pat's closet, I mean bedroom. Also, Pat rarely sleeps with a sheet on that fouton... who knows what has gone on in that bed. I have never stayed the night at his house which is why it is something that is worth it to him to add to the stakes of this bet. I will keep you all updated as I know the suspense will be eating you alive.

Monday, December 19, 2005

I Have...

My Grandma had her surgery today and everything went well. They were able to remove the lump and as far as we know, the cancer hadn't spread. We'll know more when the pathology report comes back from the lump, but so far so good! Hopefully we'll get good news this week about Mark too who is getting scanned this week to find out if it's cancer in his lympth node or if it was just swollen from his infection. Keep your fingers crossed!

3 Things...

Three Things
Three things that scare me:
1:Severe weather (tornados, hurricanes, lightening)
2:People dying
Three people who make me laugh:
1:Dan Brigadoi
2:Jeffrey McClish
3:Ben Cline
Three Things I love:
1:My family
2:My friends
Three Things I hate:
1:Mean people
2:Waking up in the morning
3:Having no money
Three things I don't understand:
Three things on my desk:
2:DVD Player
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:Watching a movie
2:Talking online
3:Filling out this survey
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:See the Grand Canyon
2:Get my PhD.
3:Open a rescue shelter for stray animals
Three things I can do:
Three ways to describe my personality:
Three things I can't do:
3:I Can't Do
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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Help Save Zonka!

Let me take a moment to introduce you to someone I'm sure you don't know. Meet Zonka. Zonka is a single red male beta fish who currently lives on Troup St. in Bowling Green, Ohio. This picture of Zonka is somewhat misleading. First of all, I got this picture off of the internet so it's not even really Zonka. Second, although Zonka did look like this fish at one time, this is no longer the case. You see, Zonka was purchased for one reason... to be put in a small fish tank with another male Beta Fish, Roger. In case you aren't aware of the social behavior of male beta fish, let me explain. This was taken from a beta fish website:
"When two or more Siamese fighting (AKA beta) fish are together, they need to attack each other until one of them is dead. The male fish is the only one who will kill. Therefore, they should be separated from each other in aquariums."
Interesting, huh? This was taken from another beta fish website:
"No one should ever buy multiple males with the intention of using them for the morbid entertainment of allowing them to combat. This is inhumane and inexcusable treatment of a living creature."
I couldn't agree more. Zonka's health is fading fast. Each time I see him, there is less and less remaining of his formally beautiful, long, trailing fins as Roger has bitten them off. Each time I look in the tank, Zonka swims over and pleads for help with his eyes. I tried to ignore it is long as possible, but I finally I begged the owner to put them in seperate tanks. He refused. At one point, Zonka had a place to hide in the tank which is probably what kept him alive so long. However, the owner has now removed that object so Zonka has nowhere to go for safety. Something needs to be done. Please post a comment if you feel that Zonka needs to be saved (AKA... someone comes in and takes the fish to a safe place). Please join with me in "Operation Beta Fish" and help save Zonka. Remember... WWPETAD... What Would PETA Do?


So sick of this semester and ready for it to be over. After writing my eight page poem, I just spent a few hours filling out my review sheet for Friday's exam and I barely got through 1/3 of it. Nothing like a 3 page, 10 pt. font, single-spaced final exam review sheet.

Hope everyone's finals are going well. If you're done, I envy you and hate you at the same time.

Bored? ((Over 100 questions))
[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]
What's your name? :::Emily Steele
Birthplace :::Cincinnati, Ohio
Age :::22
Age you act :::13
Current location :::Bowling Green
Eye color :::Blue
Hair color :::Brown (at the moment...)
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? :::Right
Zodiac sign? :::Leo
Height? :::5' 2"
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality :::German, Italian, and some other things...
Your hair :::Has always been blonde, but is now brown. Naturally wavy/curly.
Your fears :::People around me dying
Your perfect room :::A king size bed made of memory foam with a hot tub right next to it
What you practically do in a day :::Eat, Work, Class, Homework, Sleep... repeat
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse :::Like
Phrases you overuse :::Pretty intense
Your first thought when you wake up :::Already???
Your greatest accomplishment :::Wow... I've thinking about this one for a while now and can't come up with anything.
Something you want to do :::Get my PhD.
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke :::Vanilla Coke
McDonald's or Burger Kings :::McDonalds
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera :::Christina Aguilera
Chocolate or vanilla :::Chocolate
Adidas or Nike :::Adidas
Black or white :::It doesn't matter if you're black or white
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) :::Bills for sure
Burgers or hot dogs :::Burgers
Egypt or France :::France
Rock or rap :::Rock
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke :::Absolutely not
Cuss :::Absolutely
Sing well :::People call me Faith Hill
Sing in the shower :::I used to, I think I grew out of that
Talk to yourself --a lot-- :::Not really
Believe in yourself :::Sometimes
Like taking these longass surveys? :::Not really, but yet I do it all the time
Play an instrument :::Clarinet 6-7 grade
Want to go to college? :::I heard it's overrated
Want to get married? :::I heard it's overrated
Want to have children? :::I heard it's overrated
Think you're a health freak? :::Not even close
Get along with your parents :::Definitely
Get along with your siblings? :::Well... we try
Think you're popular :::I didn't win homecoming queen.. thanks a lot Tessa! :)
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state :::Only to Michigan
Drank alchohal :::You betcha
Smoke :::Absolutely not
Get high :::On life
Done any drugs :::Nope
Eaten an entire box of oreos :::We know what happens when I eat too many oreos....
Been on stage :::Does Sky Bar count?
Gone skinny dipping :::Nope
Been dumped :::Funny you should ask....
Dyed your hair :::Ha ha! Only like 4 times
Stolen anything :::Nope
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream :::Last night... went to yellowstone with people from work
Last nightmare :::A few weeks ago probably
Car ride :::To Kroger earlier
Last time you cried :::Last week probably
Last movie seen :::Yours, Mine and Ours
Last movie rented :::Can't even remember....
Last book read :::Tuesday's with Morrie
Last word said :::Not sure... it was to Kari in the bathroom though
Last curse word said :::Your guess is as good as mine
Last time you laugh :::A few minutes ago when I was gargling with Listerine at the same time with Kari
Last phone call :::Pat
Last CD played :::Carrie Underwood
Last song you listened to :::Daughters - John Mayor
Last annoyance :::Not sure...
Last IM :::Grant
Last weird encounter :::Kari
Last person you hugged :::Pam at work
Last person you yelled at :::Probably Pat for making fun of me
Last time you wore a skirt :::Quite some time ago
Last time you've been evil :::Probably not too long ago
Sarcastic? :::Always
Last time you fought with your parents :::Quite some time ago
Last time you wished upon a star :::Quite some time ago
Played Truth or Dare :::We kind of played with Jenga over the weekend
Spent quality time alone :::Right now
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM :::Nope
Do you feel lonely :::Sometimes
Ever TP'd someone's house :::Yes
How about egging someone's house :::Nope
Do you not like dislike not like me? :::What?
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? :::Sure
Yo Momma :::Don't talk about Martha
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? :::Tried it.. Kari doesn't taste that good
What do you think of George Bush? :::Don't get me started.. don't even get me started
Any secret fetishes? :::Not really
Do you like to wear chains? O_o :::What?
How many languages do you speak? :::After 3 years of Spanish.. I would still say I only speak one language
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! :::Yes actually
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) :::Very much so
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Monday, December 05, 2005


Okay, I kid you not... this is the picture that came up when I typed in avoidance. I am going to desperate measures at this point to avoid doing homework. So desperate that I'm going to fill out another one of those damn survey things. Then I promise to return to the homework. Here goes:

book you read:: It's been a while since I've actually finished a book, but I'm currently reading "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken." It's by the same author who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" and his wife. Good book, I highly recommend.
song you listened to:: Apple Candy - Ben Lee
cd you bought:: Coldplay X&Y
friend you saw:: Kari just went to bed
person you talked to on the phone:: My Mom! :)
wish:: I'll never tell
person you thought about:: Probably my mom
website you went to:: Facebook
movie you watched at home:: A Lot Like Love, I think?
movie you saw at the theatre:: "yours, Mine, and Ours"
song you sang:: I think "The First Noel" in Pat's car.. and needless to say, he loved it
injury:: The never-healing jammed thumb!
concert:: Wow.. only been to like one concert in my life and it was a LONG time ago. Unless you count the symphony orchestra which my mom drags me to too often.
picture you took:: A picture of Pat with my phone
shower:: about 4pm this afternoon
alcoholic drink:: Quite a few last night
cigarette:: Like 8th grade. Cigars however, different story.
car ride:: To dinner at Carabas
time you went to hell:: what the heck?
what kind of computer do you have?:: Apple iBook G4 :)
do you have any siblings?:: Have I mentioned how much I hate this question? 2 I guess
any step-parents?:: 2 again
who do you live with?:: During the school year: Emily, Kari and Lisa (and Nora and Briggs) During the summer/breaks, I switch back and forth between my mom and dad's houses.
do you wish you could move?:: Not really, I hate the packing, moving, unpacking process.
have you been in a 'fist' fight... recently?:: I can't say that I've ever been in an actual one
have you been to hawaii?:: No
does your mom have fancy china?:: Not so much china, but like antique plates and stuff from auctions if that counts?
are you a whore?:: I would certainly like to think not!
do you miss someone with all your heart?:: Always
are you wearing a watch?:: not at the moment
what time is it?:: 2:36am (oh man, and so much more homework to do)
are your legs smooth?:: Not even a little bit.. it's winter, come on!

*10 bands you like*

1. Coldplay
2. Jack Johnson
3. Dixie Chicks
4. Rascal Flatts
5. Maroon 5
6. Lifehouse
7. O.A.R.
8. Beatles
9. Ben Lee
10. Faith Hill/Tim McGraw

*9 friends you have*

1. Kari
2. Lisa
3. Emily
4. Aubrey Lynn
5. Erin
6. Beth
7. Jen
8. Tess
9. Julie
(Don't be upset if I didn't name you.. I was looking through pictures)

*8 of your favorite movies*

1. Crazy Beautiful
2. Dirty Dancing
3. 10 Things I Hate About You
4. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
5. Wedding Crashers
6. Oldschool
7. Napolean Dynamite
8. Singin' in the Rain

*7 things you see around*

1. Briggs
2. Nora
3. TV
4. Lamps
5. My notebook and notes
6. Candle
7. Textbook

*6 things you hate*

1. Death
2. Being poor
3. Narrow-minded people
4. Tornados (or any severe weather)
5. Mean people
6. Waking up in the morning

*5 favorite songs*

1. Catch My Disease- Ben Lee
2. The Stranger - O.A.R.
3. Love and Memories - O.A.R.
4. Like We Never Loved At All - Faith Hill & Tim McGraw
5.Cannonball - Damien Rice

*4 favorite colors*

1. Blue
2. Pink
3. Periwinkle
4. Kelly Green

*3 CDs you own*

1. Coldplay
2. Carrie Underwood
3. Dixie Chicks

*2 favorite TV shows*

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. The O.C.

*1 person or thing you love*

1. My dog Jackson

Saturday, December 03, 2005

You Sunk My Battleship!

I couldn't make fun of the fact that my roommates were playing games on the internet on a Friday night without admitting that Kari and I just got done playing about 10 games of battleship. P.S. I didn't win....

Friday, December 02, 2005

That's Hogwash!

Did you know that the word hogwash is in the dictionary? Well it is. It is one of the very few words in the dictionary with a definition that consists of only one word and that one word is: nonsense. Nonsense is what best describes my feelings right now as I sit and listen to my roommates all playing games on the internet that they're addicted to. Kari is playing "Gold Miner" and making up her own words to the tune of Kanye West's song Golddigger. The lyrics go something like this "I ain't sayin she a gold miner, but she's pretty damn good. She can kick your ass at this game.." You get the idea. Lisa and Emily are both addicted to a game called "Swashbucks." Unlike Kari's game, you can actually win money with this game... although I'm not convinced anyone actually does. So what is the big deal about everyone playing these games right now? I will tell you. Did I mention it is 11:45 on a Friday night? Well it is. That's hogwash.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Stressed Out...

After absolutely nothing was going right with my group project tonight, I then found out that my Grandma has breast cancer. What's next? Better yet... who's next?

Wednesday, November 30, 2005


I wish I had something witty to say here, but I think the picture speaks for itself. The only difference between me and that baby is that I put myself in this position by putting off my work and waiting until last minute to complete assigments and write papers. There everyone, I admitted it. It's my own fault. Happy now?

It's Game Time.....

Okay, so here's what we're going to do. I know how some of you can't sleep at night if you don't have a new blog of mine to read at night. However, as a result of my severe procrastination tendencies I have a very large workload from now until the end of the semester. Consequently, my blog is going to really suffer. I don't want to lose my fans such as yourself, so I've come up with a way that I can briefly post a blog each day and describe my mood. It could be kind of fun (although my definition of fun is somewhat demented and different than other people's). Anyway, here's the 4-11. Each day before I go to sleep, I am going to type a few words that best describe my mood for the day or that best summarize my day into google images and see what images come up. The most popular search result image that shows up, will be the image used for that blog. As I have done these types of searchers before, I can assure you the images are quite entertaining and somewhat comical. Sound like fun? I thought so... here it goes!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great day and got to eat a lot of great food. I know I did. I took it upon myself to eat enough food for every starving person on this planet (and then some). I always enjoy spending Thanksgiving with my family and this year I have so much to be thankful for. Mark got some exciting news on Wednesday. Instead of trying to explain, I'm just going to copy and paste my mom's email with the details:

Mark will no longer be a participant in the clinical trial. He is ecstatic to
be done with the IL2 treatments! Since the last time his cancer was
stable and this time one of his lymph nodes was slightly enlarged, he
is no longer eligible to continue. That is O.K. though, since they
think the enlargement was due to Mark's port infection, not due to
the cancer. The oncologist wants him to have new CT scans done in a
month (on Dec. 23, to be exact), and then we will know if the lymph
node is normal or not. If it is not, it will be removed surgically.
The oncologist is still very optimistic, because she has seen a case
just like this, where infection was the cause of the enlargement.
That patient's later scans were perfect. Dr. Kendra still believes
Mark will be a "total responder". There was no new cancer, and the
other places where the cancer existed before are gone now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, so let's play a little thanksgiving game. Now that you all know what I'm thankful for, it's your turn. Post a comment telling what you are thankful for this Thanksgiving. You better do it....

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I feel like crap. I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for several days now. I have the numb upper lip that feels like botox gone wrong because of blowing my nose so much. My head is congested and I have almost gone through an entire box of kleenex. But hey, I have good news. I just saved 15% on my Nyquil by buying the kroger brand instead! I'm hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight thanks to drinking an entire bottle of "Nite Time" (very orignal name for the Kroger knock off of Nyquil). Don't worry, it's not the green kind that taste like a poor imitation of black licorice. It was the cherry kind. And don't worry, I didn't really drink the whole bottle, I took the recommended dose. It should be kicking in any minute now. Only then will I no longer here all the drunk boys outside of my window arguing about whose muscle's are bigger. So I don't usually do this, but because I'm sick and bored out of my mind on a Friday night... I have a score prediction for the Ohio State vs. Michigan game tomorrow. My prediction is 31-14 Buckeyes. So, it's the first time I think I've ever picked a score for a game, but I don't think it's all that bad. Let me know what you think. If everyone says it's a terrible prediction, I will blame it on the Nyquil. Goodnight everyone and GO BUCKS!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Leave it alone...

Why people pick at their scabs is a phenomenon I'm trying to better understand. The purpose of a scab is to protect a wound and help it heal. Without it, the wound will continue to bleed and won't go away. We know we should just leave them alone but yet, for some reason we pick them anyway. I know we've all done it; had a scab that we knew we needed to leave alone and let heal, but for some reason there is something that makes us pick at it. We know ahead of time what's going to happen when we do. It's going to bleed, take longer to heal, and possibly even scar. Okay, before you get all grossed out, I'm speaking metaphorically here. The "scab" could be a number of different things depending on the person and the events in their life. But the scab I will be referring to in today's lesson is the scab of a past relationship. The relationship that you couldn't accept was over and struggled to let go of. When I speak of picking this "relationship scab" I'm talking about doing things that you know are going to hurt you and things that will make it harder for you to let this "scab" heal. I'm talking about things like constantly checking their away message, instant messaging them, calling them, and worst of all, becoming obsessed with figuring out whether or not they've moved on and found someone new (I am guilty of them all). I'm sure we've all experienced this to some degree although there are some people who are more prone to "picking scabs" and focusing on the past rather than the future (guilty...again). When a relationship ends, it's usually because one person doesn't think it's going to work out. The other person is the one who is usually left picking the scab. But why? Isn't it reason enough to move on just knowing that the other person doesn't want to be with you? When did it become acceptable to be desperate and beg for someone's affection? Last I checked, NEVER. So why do we (I emphasize the WE) do it? The obvious reason is because we cared about this person and really had hoped that it would work. But it didn't and unfortunately a relationship consists of two people so your determination to make it work isn't enough. They say that love is blind and all of that sappy stuff, so it's easy to see why the person with the "love-sick scab" doesn't see that picking it is only going to make things worse. People can be pretty judgmental of other people who are picking at their scabs. I'm speaking both metaphorically and literally here. Literally speaking, it is pretty gross if you've ever witnessed someone else picking at their scabs and it's fairly common to judge them and think about how disgusting they are for doing it, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. Metaphorically speaking, watching someone hold on to a past relationship is also quite difficult and it's also pretty common to judge someone and think about how desperate they are for not just letting it go, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. So remember when someone you care about is picking at an old scab, that things are much easier said than done. Do not forget your ability to empathize, and remember how you felt when you were in a similar situation (although this is very hard when you want so badly for someone you care about to get out of their rut and move on with their life). And if it's you that has the "love-sick scab," do not be that person who sits in class picking at their scab and putting the pieces of it onto their desk (sorry, I know it's gross..but unfortunately that really happens). I don't care who you are reading this. You deserve better than to waste your time picking at a scab. The time you are wasting is time that could be spent healing. The scab is going to have to heal and it's not something that is going to happen over night. The faster you heal, the less you scar. Think of your friends as the neosporin and your family as the band aid. With a little help from both, you will get through this. Just give it time, "and this too shall pass." It just needs time to heal.

DISCLAIMER: In no way shape or form am I claiming to be an expert in the area of relationships. Anyone who knows me realizes the opposite is true. The previously expressed thoughts are simply based on my personal experiences with letting go of old relationships and seeing myself and people I care about suffer from the picking of the scab syndrome. I am also not trying to pretend to be optimistic but rather am trying to be realistic.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Beware of Infections...

When I think of an infection, I think of something that needs a little neosporin and a band aid and then life goes on. When the doctors started talking about Mark's infection as something that is life-threatening, as you can imagine, I was shocked. He has stage IV cancer for god's sake, an infection is the least of his worries, right? Wrong. Turns out it's not uncommon for people going through this treatment to get these infections which can be fatal if it doesn't respond to antibiotics and continues to spread. So, going back to my blog about not worrying because it doesn't get you anywhere and it's a waste of time, yada yada yada - I have done very little of anything else besides worry during the past 36 hours or so. Even during the hour and a half last night watching the movie Amityville Horror I was worrying. Well, I guess I was worrying more about not peeing my pants, but you get the idea. I feel bad for the people around me when I get worried like this. I become that girl sitting next to you in class who keeps clicking her pen or tapping her foot at speeds you didn't know possible. I become that annoying friend who appears to be listening to you but then can't repeat a single word you just said. I become that employee who has to ask you a million questions to complete one simple task and even then screws it up. Another endearing quality of mine when I'm worrying compulsively is eating uncontrollably. I eat even more than I normally do (yeah, I didn't think that it was possible either!). I've decided that I want to be nine years old again. That was a good year for me and I want to go back. Sure, being nine again will have some negative consequences. At the age of nine I had a haircut that made me look like a mushroom. Somewhat like the girl in the picture, but bigger with much more teasing. At the age of nine I also had a gap in between my two front teeth and buck teeth that made me look like I sucked my thumb until the age of six (oh wait, I did...). Mix both of those characteristics with my lazy eye and you get one cute kid! Yeah, I looked like I was conceived by two people who were brother and sister. All of that aside, I was still happy. Life was so simple. I hadn't faced challenges like losing a sibling and watching someone you love suffer from cancer. My biggest worries were my sister calling me a pee wart because I had a little bladder control problem at night, or her telling the entire bus of kids that we almost missed the bus because I had peed the bed AGAIN (yeah, she definitely emphasized the again). I don't want to sound like my grandparents here, but those were the good old days. Anyway, Mark is the most optimistic of us all about this infection. He calls it just "a bump in the road." I sure hope he's right. He's surpassed the doctor's expectations up till now so there's no reason to think that he can't do it again. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers! They mean so much! Until next time, this pee wart is signing off.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

CAUTION: May Cause Drowsiness

There is nothing wrong with enjoying sleep. Just because taking naps is one of my favorite things to do, doesn't mean that I have a problem. Okay, okay, I admit it. I do sleep more than most people thought was humanly possible and surprisingly wake up still tired. I acknowledge the fact that my sleep pattern is all out of whack. While most people are awake I am sleeping, and while most people are sleeping, I'm wide awake. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait for the day when I didn't have to take a nap anymore. Now, I would give anything to go back to those days (except now I know the effects sucking your thumb has so maybe I could skip over the whole buck teeth and 8 years of braces thing). What brought this topic up, you might be wondering. Well, while trying to figure out my classes for next semester, I came across somewhat of a predicament for a night owl like myself: an 8:00am class on Tuesday and Thursdays that I really need to take. That would mean, at the very latest, I would have to wake up by 7:30am and out the door by 7:45. Those of you reading this right now, even if you don't know me that well, probably know that will be next to impossible for me. And it's not like I could come back and sleep after the class, I would have at least 2 more classes after that and then work. When asked what she thought about me taking an 8am class next semester, Lisa said "Not good." Kari added, "I don't think so." My sister who happened to be around for the conversation contributed, "I don't care, Emily." Thanks Betsy, I appreciate your concern. Emily gave me the big thumbs down with some sort of farting noise. As you can see, no one has faith in me that I can make it to this class. Well I am going to take the class just to prove you all wrong. I can and I will make it to that class. I have turned over a new leaf. No more naps for me in the afternoon. No more late nights of homework until 3am. No more talking on IM all night. You don't think I can do it, believe what you will. Sorry tonight's entry is so boring. I hate leaving you disappointed. I will redeem myself next time.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Out With the Old, In With the New

I know it's probably best to just let this go and not rehash the past, but there are a few things I need to say before I can move on. Originally I wanted to make this entry a heartfelt goodbye. Even though the end of our relationship has been unpleasant, to say the least, I wanted to look back on our relationship and focus on the good things. Then it hit me: there were no good times. Only what I thought were good times because I had nothing else to compare you to. You filled a void until something better came along, and I thank you for that. I guess having you was better than having nothing at all, but I knew you weren't "the one." I was always shopping - looking for something better, knowing that when I found it I would kick you to the curb faster than you can say virus. Speaking of viruses, after all of those times you came home with your different viruses, I never questioned where you had been or what you had been doing. I figured it was normal and that everyone was getting them. Well I was wrong, everyone is not getting them so you can take your viruses and hit the road. My mom warned me about you from the very beginning. I didn't listen. It was something I had to realize on my own. I thought you were a good match for me, but my mom knew you weren't. I thought you could help me accomplish my goals, but instead you made them harder for me to reach, just like my mom said you would. We lasted longer than she ever thought we would. I'm proud of myself for sticking it out, but you didn't make it easy. Every time I would give you another chance, you did something to screw up, again. But still, I didn't want to let you go. I didn't want to move on. I was stuck in the "comfort zone" of something old and familiar, even with all its quirks, it seemed better than nothing. I'm not sure when exactly "I saw the light" but it wasn't until I found someone else that I realized how much happier I could be. It's not going to be a perfect relationship. I know there will be hard times and obstacles to overcome, but nothing compared to what I've been through with you. Maybe there is someone out there who will love you just the way you are, and you will be enough to keep them happy. Unfortunately you weren't enough for me. I needed more. I needed something more stable, dependable, and more efficient. Something I knew I could always count on to be there. And that is what I found.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Rainy Days and Mondays...

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down..." As my roommate Lisa pointed out, today was a rainy day and a Monday, making it a double negative. She went on and made her little saying into a riddle/song, but I will spare you the details. You're welcome. A rainy day in Bowling Green isn't just your average rainy day. You can almost always expect it to be freezing cold and very windy. My favorite part of walking to class in the rain is watching people try to keep their umbrellas from getting caught in the mighty wind and flipping inside out. I'm not being mean or getting enjoyment out of other people's misery (well, maybe a little) because it has happened to me too, on more than one occasion. I have had many umbrellas destroyed thanks to the winds of Bowling Green. But let's be honest here. There are some good things that can come from having your umbrella ruined. The large selection of umbrellas on the market today are indescribable. It's like Halloween everytime it rains. And believe me, mother nature will think twice before she messes with an umbrella that has a stinger, or eyes. But like most things that are good in this life, they come with risks. Owning an umbrella like one of these, you run the risk of it getting stolen. There are people out there who steal. They find digital cameras that they know don't belong to them and they keep them. It happened to me, and it can happen to you. I don't mean to discourage you from owning one of these umbrellas, in fact, I encourage that you get one. But an alarm of some sort, or even a chain lock wouldn't be a bad idea. As if the umbrellas aren't enough, believe it or not, it gets even better. Yeah, that's right.. there are rain jackets too! All with the same themes as the umbrellas. Do you feel like being a lady bug today, or perhaps a bumble bee? Or maybe you can't decide. That's okay too. Why not mix and match? Get crazy! It's raining outside and no one cares! Be a cross-polination of a bumble bee and a lady bug. [insert creative name mixing bumble bee and lady bug here] Okay, before I go any further, I need to give everyone a moment for a restroom break. Because it's about to a get even more intense and I don't want anyone to wet their pants (even though it's raining outside and no one would care). Who hates walking in the rain and getting your jeans wet up to your knees? I know I do! Well those days are over my friend. They don't call them "kidorable rainboots" for nothing. I know I don't need to explain why these boots are a must-have item, but there are a few things I feel necessary to point out. First, there are no shoe laces. How nice is that? Slip them on and off as you please, get that extra minute of sleep you normally wouldn't get because you would be tying your shoes. Your day will be better because of it. And if you ever have to walk to class with Kari Fidler, right before her anxiety kicks in at the thought of not getting to class at least 10 minutes early, if she sees you grab these boots, you will hear her sigh with relief knowing that she doesn't have to wait that extra minute for you to tie your shoes. And maybe, just maybe you can get to class 11 minutes early instead of 10. Now Kari wouldn't need these boots for that reason, because she probably woke up at 4:30am to put her shoes on so that she's not late for class. However, there is something about these boots that even Kari would find appealing. Can you say totally waterproof? Something tells me that Kari still can't wear her tennis shoes because they are soaking wet from Cedar Point on Friday [insert angry face to show frustration about being sick on Friday and not being able to go to Cedar Point] Perhaps if Kari would have been wearing these boots on Friday, she would have dry tennis shoes right now. Okay, I know there was a line when this whole theme might have been funny, and maybe I never reached it, but now I am about to dig it into the ground. But it would be completely unfair of me if I didn't tell you about one more product. I'm sorry Emily Tucker but the old excuse, "I don't have my homework because it got ruined in the rain," that you use so often, just isn't going to work anymore. Especially now that we have waterproof bookbags like these. And if you are someone who thinks practically like me, when you see those little dangling purses hanging off the bookbag, you probably see the perfect item to carry your ID and money to the bars in. Two bags for the price of one? Bargain! I promised my friend Tess that I would mention how much she hates walking to class in the rain only to find a note on the door saying that class has been canceled. But Tess, let's be honest, only on rainy days can you whip out your little critter gear. And even though it was a waste of your time walking in the rain to a canceled class, your outfit did not go unnoticed. You make the most beautiful frog I have ever seen, and I'm sure everyone who saw you walking to class in that outfit would agree with me. I couldn't help but notice that you were missing the bookbag, maybe you didn't realize they had that line of products out. Lucky for you, Christmas is coming up! Although I can't afford to buy you one, I have no problem stealing from small children. I'll see what I can do. How do you think I got you the rest of the outfit? Ohhh... you really thought I bought it? Did you think it was a coincidence that the same day your little cousin Johnny's frog critter rainsuit came up missing, I gave you a belated birthday gift of the exact same thing? Okay Tess, we'll have to talk about this later, I'm busy right now. Sorry about that. Anyway, I can't finish this blog without being a little serious. "Everyone wants happiness, yet no one wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain." Who cares if the rain ruins your plans and you have to wear your hair curly. Suck it up, put on the critter of your choice rain gear, and make the best of the day. Yeah, let's be honest, enough with the optimistic crap, that's not me or how I think. Stay in bed. Skip class. Nap all day. Do absolutely nothing. Rainy days are good for nothing except napping.

Worrying is Like Being in a Rocking Chair...

"Worrying is like being in a rocking chair. It occupies your time, but doesn't get you anywhere." Yet, so many of us spend much of our lives doing it anyway. Why? We aren't all just a bunch of idiots (well, there are some exceptions...) who honestly think that if we worry about something, it won't happen. The reality is, worrying is not only a huge waste of time, but it's a waste of time that could be spent happily. We've all heard the corny saying about every minute spent frowning is 60 seconds of happiness wasted (no shit Sherlock, even I can do that math equation), but seriously... it's kind of true. In the large scheme of things, it's usually the things we least expect, the things we would never have even thought to worry about, that come out of nowhere and knock us on our ass. Let's take for example, the poor lady from the illustration who we will call Mildred. Mildred is so busy worrying about whether or not she put on deodorant, that on her way to work she has hit a tree, a construction cone, a bird, a feline of some sort, and some other unidentifiable objects. What potentially may have just been a semi-bad day of walking around work with pit stains and B.O., Mildred is now going to have a terrible day. She now has to re-plant the tree she ripped out of the ground, take the construction cone back to its original location, go to someone's home and tell them that she killed their cat, get an estimate of the damage done to her car, and she will inevitably be late to work. All of these events give Mildred even more reason to sweat profusely, get pit stains and will result in much worse B.O. than she ever would have had in the first place. The moral of "Mildred's" story is that we can't go through life worrying about putting on deodorant. There are so many people who put on deodorant and still smell bad, so it could always be worse. In all seriousness, worrying is not going to change things that have happened in the past and it's not likely going to prevent things from happening in the future. So if the outcome is going to be the same no matter what, why not enjoy each day to its fullest? Life is too short to be anything but happy! And if given the chance to talk to her, I'm sure Mildred would agree.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ode to My Camera

First I would like to apologize for the way our relationship came to a sudden end. It could have been a really traumatic experience for you. Maybe I dropped you and you broke into many pieces. Maybe I just sat you somewhere and you had to watch me walk away and never come back. Perhaps someone took you right out of my purse. The most disturbing part of this whole situation, is that I simply don't remember how I lost you. After all you've done for me by capturing my memories for the past 3 months, I should have at least had the decency to not involve you in my drunken affairs. And for that, I'm truly sorry. Hopefully your new owner, you know, the person who probably picked you up and took you home and now has hundreds of pictures of me and my family and friends, will treat you with more respect than I did. But let's be honest, someone who keeps a camera that they know is not theirs is obviously not the most respectful person in the world. Maybe, someday, somehow, we will meet again. And if given a second chance with you, I promise to do things differently. I wish you nothing but the very best for your future and I give you permission to take terrible pictures of your new owner. Do that thing that you sometimes did to me right when I really needed a picture and you say "change batteries." Do that a lot, okay? You probably won't have much of a choice since your new owner probably doesn't have the necessary battery charger that is sitting in an outlet in my room with no batteries. Thank you again for the memories. You will never be forgotten.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones..."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Did our parents really believe this when they taught us this riddle? Or was it just their hope that maybe if we, as naive children, believed it, we would avoid a lot of unnecessary hurt? Now that I'm no longer a naive child (I'm now a naive adult), words and their impact on my self-perception is something that I struggle with. Is it only people with self-esteem issues who are affected by what other people think of them? Or are even the most confident people hurt when someone thinks or says something bad about them? Or does it all depend on who the person saying negative things is and their relationship to you? Personally, it doesn't matter who the person is or what they have said about me, I still let it bother me. The key word here is let. It took me a long time, but I've finally realized that I do have control of the impact I let other people's words have on me. Unfortunately, realizing this isn't enough. Not letting other people's opinions of you upset you, is something that is much easier said than done. Take for example, if someone were to call me crazy. Even though deep down I know that I am not crazy, once I hear that someone else thinks I am, my mind starts to wander and the snowball effect begins. "Maybe I am crazy and just never realized it." "Do other people think I'm crazy?" After every possible thought has gone through my head and I am feeling really down about myself, it hits me. The only thing crazy about me is that I let other people's opinions of me upset me as much as I do. I read a quote that states, "What you think of me is none of my business." I didn't really understand it at first, but it really does help to keep things in perspective. However, when someone is telling other people negative things about you, to stick with my example, telling people you're crazy for instance, what they think of you is no one else's business either, therefore I think it's natural to be upset about someone saying bad things about you to other people. Here is where another quote comes into play for me, "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." The truly important people in my life know everything about me and love me anyway. Anyone who would hear someone calling me crazy and believe it, isn't someone that matters in my life anyway. It is so easy for me to sit here and rationalize all of this so that it makes perfect sense never to get upset when other people talk bad about you. However, I can almost guarantee that the next time someone is saying mean things about me, I will still get upset, even after all the reasons I've just given as to why I shouldn't. I think this might be something I struggle with for a long time and maybe I never will learn to not get bothered by other people's opinions of me. But never letting other people's words hurt me is a skill that if learned, could protect me from a lot unnecessary hurt.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

"Money - Like Vodka - Can Do Crazy Things" ~Unknown

Can money buy happiness? A topic that has been debated for quite some time now, is becoming more and more relevant to my everyday life. Maybe it's because I've never had as much money as I wanted, or maybe it's that I've always wanted to spend more than I've had. Regardless of how I got here, money (or in my case, lack thereof) is a dominant part of my everyday life. A recent study done by a sociologist found that financially richer people tend to be happier than those who are poorer. After so many arguments saying that money can't buy happiness, now we have studies showing that those with more money are both physically and mentally healthier (wouldn't we all be though if we could afford it?). This is very interesting to me, because I for one am someone who very much enjoys shopping, especially when I'm feeling depressed. Nothing that a cute outfit can't fix, right? I can't help but think of Fat Bastard and his predicament with eating. Do I spend money because I'm unhappy or am I unhappy because I'm spending money I don't have? Quite the little catch-22 I've gotten myself into. Maybe it's a combination of both, but either way, keeping up with the "Jones's" if you will, is getting harder and harder. I'm not really going anywhere with these thoughts... just getting them out of my head. Now they're into yours, let them stir around in there for a little bit and see what you think about the money issue. And remember, "Money - like vodka - can do crazy things."

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. ~Unknown

Isn't it amazing what good therapy dogs can be? They can tell when you're upset, but yet, they never ask you why. Instead, they just comfort you, or in Jackson's case, bring you his favorite toy hoping that it will somehow bring you as much joy as it brings him. As bad as it sounds, one of the hardest parts of leaving home is leaving this dog. He has had such an impact on all of our lives. He is filled with more personality than any dog I've ever owned (which as most of you know, is quite a few)! I think what brings me the most joy, is seeing how happy Jackson makes Mark. It's funny to think about how much Mark did not want this dog. He only agreed to keep him because he saw how attached my mom and I already were to him. Little did he know, Jackson turned out to be Mark's biggest supporter during this entire battle with cancer. I've always liked the quote I used as the title of this entry. I think we could all be better people if we tried to be the people our dog's think we are. Jackson hates nothing more than getting a bath. It terrifies him to say the least. But yet, after I've poured water on his face and he's shaking hysterically, when my hand gets near his mouth to rub the shampoo in, instead of biting me, or turning his head away, he very softly licks my hand. Imagine loving people that much, that even when they're doing something that makes you miserable, you still see the good in them. If you tried to be the person your dog thinks you are, what type of person would you be? Just something to think about... now I'm going to bed.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Through the clouds...

Finally some good news! Today Mark had his biggest appointment yet and found out that his cancer has had a 73% reduction! His doctor thinks that maybe after 3 more treatments he could go into remission. Although I broke my streak of not crying, for the first time in a very long time they were tears of joy. Only like 15% of the people receiving this treatment have any success, so this is huge. Although Mark is dreading going back in tomorrow for another treatment, at least he is going in knowing that he's not doing this for nothing, it really is saving his life. I am so thankful for this fall break that I got to spend with him. He was back to his old self again and I really enjoyed his company. This is the Mark I want to remember, and the Mark that makes my mom so happy. Although I know it's still going to be hard leaving to go back to school tomorrow, because it always is, at least now my hope has completely been restored. The fact that Mark is still here is a miracle in itself considering in March they said he may only have six months left. I wouldn't expect anything less from Mark other than for him to give the Dr.'s and their statistics a run for their money, but I also wasn't expecting to get this miracle. It's really true what they say... there are two ways you can live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle and the other is as if everything is a miracle. It's amazing how one day can completely change the way you see everything in your life, and today... through all the clouds that have been over me since March 18, 2005, I see a miracle.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Sunday, 09 October 2005

I guess for my first entry instead of trying to get all philosophical and stuff, I should start off by bringing everyone up to speed on my life. I am 22 years old and in my last year at Bowling Green. Okay, I think that about sums it all up. Moving on.... just kidding. I figured now is a good excuse to fill out one those dumb surveys that we all get emailed to us by our close friends who probably all already know the answers anyway. But seriously, what better way to answer all those questions that you, who may not be my close friends, might be wondering about me? Let's get personal....

[Name] Emily Lynn Steele
[Nickname] Em, Emmy, Emmy Booskie, Steele, Stelio... the list could probably go on.
[The day I had my first breath] July 24, 1983
[Zodiac sign] Leo
[Born in] Cincinnati, Ohio
[Where I live right now] Bowling Green, Ohio (But from Shelby and Butler, Ohio)
[Height] 5'3"
[Righty or lefty] Righty
[Eye color] Blue
[Hair color] Brown (wow, it's weird to write that)
[The pants I'm wearing] Jeans
[The shirt I'm wearing] Old Yankees sweatshirt (it was given to me... I wouldn't purchase it myself, just needed to make that known)
[The shoes] old tennis shoes
[The underwear I'm wearing] Should I be wearing some? JK... they're blue with starts and writing and stuff.
[The taste in ur mouth] absolutely nothing... soon will be my step-dad spaghetti... I can hardly wait!
[Ur mood] Mellow and very relaxed. I love being home!
[R u tired] Do you even need to ask? Always...
[Depressed] Not at the moment, give me a little bit.
[Music ur listening to] Even though it says I'm listening to Jack Johnson, my iPod went dead so that is actually a lie. I'm listening to some medical show my mom is watching about a man with intestines outside my body... I may not want that spaghetti here soon.
[Boyfriend/Girlfriend] Never again
[Children] Not to my knowledge, unless Nora did actually have her little rabbit babies!
[Ur crush] I'll never tell...
[Have u ever been in love] Yes
[Do u believe in love at first site] Hmm... not love, no. But I'm a little bitter about love right now to be answering this question. I'll get back to you.
[Sexuality] Straight
[Have ever cheated] Yes, probably in all aspects of the word
[Have you ever been hurt] Oh yes, refer to all the bitter comments about love and boyfriends.
[Ur greatest regret] Letting life get me down instead of making the best out of situations. I'm working on it...
[Song that describes u now] "All By Myself" by Celine Dion... JK! "It's Getting Better All the Time" - Brooks & Dunn
[Turn ons] Making me laugh, good smile, being open-minded, being nice to me (it doesn't take much at this point, ha ha).
[Turn offs] Racism or being prejudice in general, bad breathe, commenting about how pretty other girls are, holding back feelings, lying, you know... the usual stuff.
[Favorite place to be touched] Actually, I love back massages. And not in a sexual way, it could be the ugliest person in the world and her name could be Olga, I would still love it.

[Do u play any instruments] Oh yeah
[What r the instruments if u play any] Clarinet (until I sold it on ebay), Piano (until I quit taking lessons), but my best instrument is that of my voice. Yeah, it's that good.
[What is ur favorite song]: It changes quite often, but right now it's "Reason Why" by Rachael Yamagata.
[Ur favorite bands]: Jack Johnson, Modest Mouse, Eminem, Black Eyed Peas, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Dixie Chicks... you get the idea.
[favorite genre of music] A little bit of everything except that really loud yelling stuff where you can't understand the words and it hurts your ears... you know what I'm talking about.

[pepsi or coke] Vanilla Coke
[Eminem or Justin Timberlake] I like them both and they are both HOT...but I have to say Eminem,
[Josh Hartnett or Orlando Bloom] Josh Hartnett, hands down (but my feelings could change after I see Orlando's new movie with Kirstin Dunst)
[Maroon 5 or linkin park] Maroon 5
[Mcdonald's or Burger king] McDonald's
[thong or panties] Panties...but I really don't like that word for some reason.
[briefs or boxers] Boxers
[Jordan's or Nike] What is the difference?
[cappuccino or coffee] Cappuccino.
[Vanilla or chocolate] Depends on my mood, but probably chocolate. I've never caught myself saying "I need some vanilla."
[Rocker or rapper] What?
[cell phone or beeper] Cell phone (do people still have beepers?)
[xbox or playstation 2] Well, I'm only familiar with my playstation 1 so....
[baby phat or eco red] What?
[pen or pencil] Pen

[do u have a diary] Yes, but I prefer the term "journal"
[do u have a job] Yes, Continuing & Extended Education during the year and Northfield Medical in the summer.
[ r u a people pleaser] I always try to be, but I'm not that good at it.
[would u say u r attractive] Sure, I'll say yes. But the struggle comes with making myself believe it.
[do boyz always ask u out on dates] This has never been something I struggle with no...
[when u walk down the street do heads turn?] No, only when I drive down the street. Then they turn and say "was her gas tank open?"
[r u in the in crowd or a low life reject] Probably a little of both
[do lots of people hate u] Probably
[r u one of those snobby cheerleaders who think there the shit] Okay, that is a stereotype. I was a cheerleader, but I was not snobby and never thought I was the shit.
[when was the last time u talked on the phone] It's been a few hours
[who was the last person u talked to] Patrick
[who was the last person u hugged] I think my Dad
[when was the last time u cried] Oh geez... I could be going on a two-week streak with no tears! Pretty impressive, I know.
[do u hate anyone] Well, my dad used to always say hate is too strong of a word, but there are people I strongly dislike
[what r u doin right now] Sitting at my computer (actually my mom's computer)
[do ur parents hate u or love u] Dumbest question ever.
[does ur whole family think ur a disgracee to humanity] Who came up with these questions?
[would u say u have lots of friends] I think so.
[name ur bestfriends] The roommates
[do make friends with people quickly] Yeah
[do u have any famous people friends] Britney Spears, I mean Lisa Wentz
[do u make friends over aim or on emails] On facebook
[did u like this survey] Not so far....

1. Kissed your cousin: Well growing up in Shelby, that is a possibility. But if so, I honestly didn't know they were my cousin!
2. Ran away: Oh yeah.
3. Pictured your crush naked: There is nothing attractive about the male naked body...sorry.
4. Skipped school: Not really.
5. Broken someone's heart: I think so.
7. Cried when someone died: Always.
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yes. What an awful feeling that is.
9. Broken a bone: Maybe some of my toes, but that's it.
10. Done something embarrassing: Everyday of my life.
11. Lied: Yes, but I try not to make a habit of it.
12. Cried in school: Oh gosh yeah.

14. Sprite or 7UP: They both taste the same I think.
15. Girls or Guys: Right now, girls hands down. Again, refer to all the bitter comments about boys and love.
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: Clean Shaved for kissing, scruff for looks.
18. Blondes or Brunettes: Tough call based on my current situation.
19. Bitchy or Slutty: Neither
20. Tall or Short: Tall (but I don't want to be taller than the guy)
21. Pants or Shorts: Pants
22. Night or Day: Night
24. Last Person You Slow Danced With: Wow... it's been a while. I have no idea. Probably Jeff?
25. Worst Question To Ask: "Are you looking at me?" Agghhh!

26. Showered: Yesterday.
27. Stepped outside: A little bit ago.
28. Watched TV: Right now, I'm watching Cold Case and writing this on commercials

29. Romantic memory: Ba Humbug. Remember the negativity towards love and boys right now?
30. Your Good Luck Charm: My LiveStrong bracelet
31. Person You Hate Most: My Dad always said hate is a strong word...
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: My family and friends
33. On your desk: Well I'm on my mom's computer, but at school there is everything imaginable on my desk. TV, DVD Player, Computer, lamp...etc.
34. Picture on your desktop: A beach scene

35. Color: Blue
36. Movie: Dirty Dancing, Wedding Crashers, Old School, Napoleon Dynamite
37. Artist or band: Jack Johnson
38. Cars: It's always been the Honda Civic, but I don't want to walk out into a parking lot and see 50 cars that look just like mine, so I'm trying to move on.
39. Ice Cream: Cookies & Cream, Cookie dough, Moose Tracks
41. Food: Spaghetti (just ate it! It was delicious! Thanks Mark!).


44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: My parents
45. Has A Crush On You: It would be much easier to try and name people who don't...
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I'll never tell
47. Who Has It Easier?: If I've learned anything this last week, it's that just because people have different experiences, it gets you nowhere trying to figure out who has it better or worse.

49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: I did...but "it's getting better all the time..."
50. Save AIM Conversations: Only a few so I can remind myself of how mean certain people can be!
51. Save E-mails: Yes
52. Forward Secret E-mails: Can you do that?
53. Wish You were Someone Else: I have, but it gets you nowhere because when I wake up.. I'm still me!
55. Wear Cologne: Perfume... not cologne
56. Kiss: Yes, I enjoy it actually.
57. Cuddle: It's been a while
58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: Okay, I know I'm addicted, but even I'm not that bad! I at least take bathroom breaks!


60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: Oh yeah, to the sounds of the ocean waves..but it kind of came to a halt when I kept asking him a million questions. Damn, I blew it!
61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: Yeah, I'm terrible.
62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day: No
63. Been Rejected: Again, please refer to all the bitter comments about love and boys.
64. Been In Love?: Leave me alone!
65. Been In Lust?: Sure?
66. Used Someone?: Probably
67. Been Used?: Yes
68. Dumped Someone?: Yes.
69. Been Cheated On?: Probably.
70. Been Kissed?: I admit I'm a loser, but at 22 I'd sure hope so!
71. Done Something You Regret?: Oh yeah.


72. You Touched?: My mom, she hit me first okay.
73. You Talked To?: My Mom and Mark
74. You Hugged?: Okay, I know this question was already asked. I think it was my Dad.
75. You Instant Messaged?: Just talked to Erin (my love biscuit)
76. You Kissed?: I'll never tell!
77. You Yelled At?: Probably my sister, that's always a good guess
79. Who Text Messaged You?: Patrick
80. Who Broke Your Heart?: Enough is enough with these questions...
81. Who Told You They Loved You?: My mommy

Okay, sorry about the survey. So it turned out to be not only a complete waste of time, but also the dumbest questions ever.

My step-dad Mark has a big Dr.'s appointment tomorrow (the biggest one yet actually). The Dr. will tell him tomorrow whether or not they will continue giving him treatments. Needless to say, we're all a little nervous tonight. Even though Mark has a good feeling about it, I would be an idiot not to acknowledge that anything could happen tomorrow. For the first time in as long as I can remember, this evening with Mark has been just the same as it was before the cancer came into our lives and changed everything. I feel like even if only for tonight, he is back to the person we know and love. My mom seems so much happier too and I couldn't be happier about that. Unfortunately, I know that the outcome of tomorrow's appointment could have a very negative impact on all of our spirits. Let's keep our fingers crossed!