On a serious note, my brother would have turned 22 today. It's so hard for me to believe! July 30th marked 15 years since he died. That's even harder for me to believe. It's so great for me to have Pat's younger brother Michael in my life. Mike turns 22 in a month and gives me an idea of what my brother might be like. Even after 15 years, I can't say that I look back and think to myself, "Everything happens for a reason and there is a reason he was taken from us." I just don't think I will ever have that kind of outlook. What I can say, however, is that life is what you make it. Similarly to the attitude of "everything happens for a reason" (I'm not criticizing that outlook on life, I'm just saying it doesn't work for me. It leaves too many questions about what reason could possibly be good enough to take away someone's only son, someone's only brother, someone's entire life?) I believe that we have the opportunity to take any situation and make the best of it. It has only taken me about 15 years to get to that point. No matter how much I have healed over the last 15 years, I still miss my brother. I think about him today on his birthday, I think about him around the holidays, I will think about him on my wedding day, and I will think about him when I have children who will never know their uncle. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to be a big sister for 7 years and for being the sweetest little boy I have ever known. We all still miss you.
You can interpret that statement many different ways and they all would probably apply to me. But I'm specifically talking about my inability to get ready for work in the morning without forgetting something. And it has been happening a lot lately. If there is ever a morning where I actually remember everything, it is a rare occassion and a cause for celebration. This is yet another reason why I know I'm not ready for a child. If I can't get my 27 year-old self ready in the morning, how could I possibly get myself and a child ready in the morning? On less sleep?!?! Nope. Not ready. Sorry, Mom. It's never anything earth shattering that I forget but it's something just enough to be super annoying. One day it was my mascara. It's very weird to look in the mirror at the bathroom at work and see your face with makeup on and it looks like you have no eyelashes. Another day it will be my earrings. Not a huge deal, but it looks weird when you're used to seeing s...
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