I met with the oral surgeon yesterday about my freaking never-ending drama of the mouth. It reminded me of all the headaches and hassles I've gone through with my teeth over the last 14 or so years and I must say, it's getting old. When complaining to my dad, he reminded me that it could be worse. I could have been born with cerebral palsy or some terrible, debilitating disease. And he's right. But I also could have been born with normal teeth. What a concept! Before I bring you up to speed about the procedures I'm going to endure over the next seven months, let's first go over a brief timeline of my dental history:
Hillbilly in Disguise
- Birth to Age 6: sucked my thumb every moment I could. Bad idea, Emily. REALLY bad idea.
- Preschool'sh: tried to impress friends by jumping off the teetor tottern (aka see saw). Bad idea, Emily. REALLY bad idea. Teetor totter, meet my jaw. Jaw meet the teetor totter. Moments later I went to rinse out at the drinking fountain only to realize I had knocked out both of my front teeth. Luckily they were only baby teeth!
- Kindergarten'sh: lost baby teeth, adult teeth started coming in. Continued to suck thumb. Bad idea, Emily. REALLY bad idea!
- 1st grade'sh: teeth are growing in extremely crooked and bucked. One tooth grew in extremely skinny and little. One didn't grow in at all. What does it all mean? Time will tell...
- 5th grade'sh: met with dentist who specializes in orthodontics (not to be confused with an actual orthodontist who knows what they're doing). He required that the family pay upfront, in full for his treatment plan. Bad idea, parentals. REALLY bad idea.
- 5th grade'sh: wear some strange "2 block appliance" with a key to turn and expand the size of my mouth (let's be honest. increase the size of my mouth? necessary? I think not.)
- 6th grade'sh: get four of my adult molars pulled because there wasn't enough room for them. Bad idea, REALLY bad idea!
- 7th grade'sh: get braces
- 7th-10th grade'sh: wear many different types of experimental appliances since the dentist had no idea what he was doing (my favorite being the top and bottom retainer in one. I had to rubber band it to my braces, locking my jaw shut. I had to undo the rubber bands to eat.)
- 10th grade'sh: my teeth had gotten worse, not better. No end in sight. Begged parents to take me to get a second opinion. We were told by several orthodontist that the first guy really screwed up, the four molars should have never been pulled, and if it had been done right, my braces would have been off by now already.
- 10th grade: start the entire braces process over again. Learned more about my skinny tooth and my missing tooth. Knew it would be an expensive procedure to fix those some day!
- Senior year of high school: senior pictures with braces on, senior homecoming and prom with braces on, senior high school graduation with braces on. Good times.
- Summer before college: braces come off, retainer with fake tooth go on. Skinny tooth is bonded, with the understanding that someday a porcelain veneer will be needed
- Summer going in to sophomore year: retainer with tooth only needs to be worn at night, bridge with fake tooth is made
- Sophomore year until present: fake tooth falls out at inopportune times such as two days before college graduation, at work cocktail party honoring our top donors, right before engagement pictures, etc. Skinny tooth chips at inopportune times such as right before engagement pictures, on my way to Virginia Beach for vacation, etc.
That about brings us up to speed. I've been saving my money and am now in a financial position (or so I thought) to finally get the necessary procedures to fix my mouth problems once and for all. In meeting with the oral surgeon yesterday, he explained if I want to have all of this taken care of before my wedding (which I told him is a MUST because if there is a chance that I have to wear one of those stupid retainers with a tooth attached at my wedding, I do not even want to start this process!) then I need to have my surgery ASAP. So they scheduled me for Thursday October 2nd. What exactly am I getting done? Find out here!
It was a depressing appointment all around because the doctor thinks he's going to have to do a bone graft which is bad for many reasons: 1. it's an extra $2,500 (that I wasn't prepared for at ALL!) 2. it adds 4 months on top of the 2 months of healing time 3. I will have to have two surgeries instead of 1 4. it will take until the middle of April to get everything done (giving us only 1 month of leeway in case something goes wrong - which let's be honest... it will. Murphy's law with my mouth), and let's not forget number 5. there is a chance that my jaw will be partially numb forever after they remove some bone from it from the bone graft. AWESOME! The only positive thing that came out of the appointment yesterday was that there is a slight chance, and he did emphasize SLIGHT, that they will get in there the morning of the surgery and find that they don't have to do the bone graft and can just go right ahead and do the implant surgery that day, which would be wonderful for my bank account, sanity, and self-esteem.
Monday officially starts the process when I go in and they remove my fake tooth and replace it with a retainer with a tooth attached. I envision it looking very similar to the stupid one I had to wear only six short years ago when I got my braces off with the metal wire in the front and a fake tooth attached. I'm sure it will be one that you're supposed to take out of your mouth to eat. Hmm... can't wait to go out for a work lunch meeting! Maybe it will help me to lose weight for the wedding since the chances of me taking that retainer out and being toothless to eat in public is pretty slim. So, as of Monday through the middle of next April... I am becoming a hermit. I will not leave the house unless absolutely necessary (so, every single weekday for work and to go to tap dancing class. Humiliation on top of humiliation). I will avoid opening my mouth at all costs. Hope to see you before Monday. Get your smiles while they're hot! Free smiles, get your free smiles. On sale now through Monday! It was nice knowing you. See you at the wedding. :)
Yours truly,
Monday officially starts the process when I go in and they remove my fake tooth and replace it with a retainer with a tooth attached. I envision it looking very similar to the stupid one I had to wear only six short years ago when I got my braces off with the metal wire in the front and a fake tooth attached. I'm sure it will be one that you're supposed to take out of your mouth to eat. Hmm... can't wait to go out for a work lunch meeting! Maybe it will help me to lose weight for the wedding since the chances of me taking that retainer out and being toothless to eat in public is pretty slim. So, as of Monday through the middle of next April... I am becoming a hermit. I will not leave the house unless absolutely necessary (so, every single weekday for work and to go to tap dancing class. Humiliation on top of humiliation). I will avoid opening my mouth at all costs. Hope to see you before Monday. Get your smiles while they're hot! Free smiles, get your free smiles. On sale now through Monday! It was nice knowing you. See you at the wedding. :)
Yours truly,
Hillbilly in Disguise
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