Why people pick at their scabs is a phenomenon I'm trying to better understand. The purpose of a scab is to protect a wound and help it heal. Without it, the wound will continue to bleed and won't go away. We know we should just leave them alone but yet, for some reason we pick them anyway. I know we've all done it; had a scab that we knew we needed to leave alone and let heal, but for some reason there is something that makes us pick at it. We know ahead of time what's going to happen when we do. It's going to bleed, take longer to heal, and possibly even scar. Okay, before you get all grossed out, I'm speaking metaphorically here. The "scab" could be a number of different things depending on the person and the events in their life.
But the scab I will be referring to in today's lesson is the scab of a past relationship. The relationship that you couldn't accept was over and struggled to let go of. When I speak of picking this "relationship scab" I'm talking about doing things that you know are going to hurt you and things that will make it harder for you to let this "scab" heal. I'm talking about things like constantly checking their away message, instant messaging them, calling them, and worst of all, becoming obsessed with figuring out whether or not they've moved on and found someone new (I am guilty of them all). I'm sure we've all experienced this to some degree although there are some people who are more prone to "picking scabs" and focusing on the past rather than the future (guilty...again). When a relationship ends, it's usually because one person doesn't think it's going to work out. The other person is the one who is usually left picking the scab. But why? Isn't it reason enough to move on just knowing that the other person doesn't want to be with you? When did it become acceptable to be desperate and beg for someone's affection? Last I checked, NEVER. So why do we (I emphasize the WE) do it? The obvious reason is because we cared about this person and really had hoped that it would work. But it didn't and unfortunately a relationship consists of two people so your determination to make it work isn't enough. They say that love is blind and all of that sappy stuff, so it's easy to see why the person with the "love-sick scab" doesn't see that picking it is only going to make things worse. People can be pretty judgmental of other people who are picking at their scabs. I'm speaking both metaphorically and literally here. Literally speaking, it is pretty gross if you've ever witnessed someone else picking at their scabs and it's fairly common to judge them and think about how disgusting they are for doing it, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. Metaphorically speaking, watching someone hold on to a past relationship is also quite difficult and it's also pretty common to judge someone and think about how desperate they are for not just letting it go, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. So remember when someone you care about is picking at an old scab, that things are much easier said than done. Do not forget your ability to empathize, and remember how you felt when you were in a similar situation (although this is very hard when you want so badly for someone you care about to get out of their rut and move on with their life). And if it's you that has the "love-sick scab," do not be that person who sits in class picking at their scab and putting the pieces of it onto their desk (sorry, I know it's gross..but unfortunately that really happens). I don't care who you are reading this. You deserve better than to waste your time picking at a scab. The time you are wasting is time that could be spent healing. 
The scab is going to have to heal and it's not something that is going to happen over night. The faster you heal, the less you scar. Think of your friends as the neosporin and your family as the band aid. With a little help from both, you will get through this. Just give it time, "and this too shall pass." It just needs time to heal.
DISCLAIMER: In no way shape or form am I claiming to be an expert in the area of relationships. Anyone who knows me realizes the opposite is true. The previously expressed thoughts are simply based on my personal experiences with letting go of old relationships and seeing myself and people I care about suffer from the picking of the scab syndrome. I am also not trying to pretend to be optimistic but rather am trying to be realistic.
But the scab I will be referring to in today's lesson is the scab of a past relationship. The relationship that you couldn't accept was over and struggled to let go of. When I speak of picking this "relationship scab" I'm talking about doing things that you know are going to hurt you and things that will make it harder for you to let this "scab" heal. I'm talking about things like constantly checking their away message, instant messaging them, calling them, and worst of all, becoming obsessed with figuring out whether or not they've moved on and found someone new (I am guilty of them all). I'm sure we've all experienced this to some degree although there are some people who are more prone to "picking scabs" and focusing on the past rather than the future (guilty...again). When a relationship ends, it's usually because one person doesn't think it's going to work out. The other person is the one who is usually left picking the scab. But why? Isn't it reason enough to move on just knowing that the other person doesn't want to be with you? When did it become acceptable to be desperate and beg for someone's affection? Last I checked, NEVER. So why do we (I emphasize the WE) do it? The obvious reason is because we cared about this person and really had hoped that it would work. But it didn't and unfortunately a relationship consists of two people so your determination to make it work isn't enough. They say that love is blind and all of that sappy stuff, so it's easy to see why the person with the "love-sick scab" doesn't see that picking it is only going to make things worse. People can be pretty judgmental of other people who are picking at their scabs. I'm speaking both metaphorically and literally here. Literally speaking, it is pretty gross if you've ever witnessed someone else picking at their scabs and it's fairly common to judge them and think about how disgusting they are for doing it, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. Metaphorically speaking, watching someone hold on to a past relationship is also quite difficult and it's also pretty common to judge someone and think about how desperate they are for not just letting it go, completely ignoring the fact that you too have probably done the same thing. So remember when someone you care about is picking at an old scab, that things are much easier said than done. Do not forget your ability to empathize, and remember how you felt when you were in a similar situation (although this is very hard when you want so badly for someone you care about to get out of their rut and move on with their life). And if it's you that has the "love-sick scab," do not be that person who sits in class picking at their scab and putting the pieces of it onto their desk (sorry, I know it's gross..but unfortunately that really happens). I don't care who you are reading this. You deserve better than to waste your time picking at a scab. The time you are wasting is time that could be spent healing. 
The scab is going to have to heal and it's not something that is going to happen over night. The faster you heal, the less you scar. Think of your friends as the neosporin and your family as the band aid. With a little help from both, you will get through this. Just give it time, "and this too shall pass." It just needs time to heal.DISCLAIMER: In no way shape or form am I claiming to be an expert in the area of relationships. Anyone who knows me realizes the opposite is true. The previously expressed thoughts are simply based on my personal experiences with letting go of old relationships and seeing myself and people I care about suffer from the picking of the scab syndrome. I am also not trying to pretend to be optimistic but rather am trying to be realistic.
Comments